By Geno McGahee
Like any other sort of film genre, holiday films follow a certain formula and in the 2018 film “THE LEAST OF THESE – A CHRISTMAS STORY”, we get a very familiar one. We have a homeless single mother that relies on the kindness of others and turns it all around to realize the true meaning of the holiday and get back on her feet. It’s not a bad movie and there are plenty of notable things to mention.
Rose (Tayla Lynn) lives in the junkyard with her young daughter, Katie (Emma Faith). Rose works at Jack’s diner as a waitress and we immediately see Katie getting her hair washed in the bathroom sink at the diner. If they’re doing that, does Rose take showers with any regularity? A smelly waitress is not one that you want in your restaurant but Jack doesn’t seem to give two fucks. He lets a lot of shit go in his business that will eventually put him out of business, in my opinion.
Charlie (G. Michael Nicolosi), a Salvation Army Santa, shows up to grab some breakfast and meets young Katie and begins asking her about Christmas. She asks about the naughty list and he’s real with her, telling her that bad kids don’t get gifts, not realizing that homeless Katie hasn’t gotten presents in years. She gets up and Rose storms over and yells at Charlie, the customer! Then Dot (Candy Laflora), another waitress, storms over and yells at him again. Where the fuck is Jack when his employees are attacking one of his customers? He’s not doing a thing. I wonder if Jack is trying to get with his waitresses.
After getting the Christmas spirit shoved right up his ass, Charlie goes home and speaks to his wife about the matter. He’s really bothered about it and starts talking about how he isn’t Santa because he can’t do what Santa does. He leaves the house depressed and runs into one child and then becomes Santa again. That was fucking quick. He didn’t really mean it. I think he was aiming for some sympathy sex from his wife and he went the extra mile storming out of his house, probably looking back to see if she would follow. She didn’t. Her husband is a Salvation Army Santa, which probably pays dick. She might be upset with his lack of ambition and hoped he got hit by a bus when he left. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.
I began to discover part of Rose’s issues. She goes to the Laundromat and stays there all day and night…for one load of laundry. What the fuck is she staying there so long? I guess it could be argued that she has no place to live outside of that car in the junkyard and hanging out in the Laundromat is better, but why not bang out the laundry and then just sit around and hang out? She must have washed one piece of clothing at a time.
Rose wakes up in the car and her daughter is missing. She runs through the junkyard and finds her passed out and brings her to the hospital. Now, this is where I noticed a couple strange things. One, Rose is sitting in the waiting room in a hospital gown. Why was she in one unless they treated her, but if they treated her, wouldn’t she be in a room? Also, Charlie is there. What the fuck is he doing there and why is he so intrusive? Every time somebody tries to talk to Rose, he is there, eavesdropping and giving his opinion. Rose was ready to kick him square in the nuts until he offered her a place to live. Now, this is where Charlie’s wife doesn’t act like any other wife.
If any man tells their wife “I’m moving in an attractive chick into the house to help her,” the normal reaction of the wife would be no fucking way. Come on. No way a wife would allow another woman into their house, and Charlie looked like a horn dog. You cant’ tell me that he didn’t make a move on Rose. Rose was attractive and you’d think that she would probably walk around the house in something sexy at some point. Charlie may not have gotten any but it definitely went through his mind.
On top of being a waitress, Rose is also a painter and her paintings are for sale at Jack’s Diner and they do sell. She doesn’t take any credit for them but she’s happy that they are moving because she is saving to get an apartment.
As good things start to happen for Rose, Dot isn’t having the same luck. She spent some time losing weight to get some dude to date here and she was happier than a pig in shit when he agreed, but he pulled out immediately when he met another girl. Dot slams down the phone and storms away from the job and angers her customers. When a snotty customer (Karissa Wheeler) demands service, Dot drops the food on her head and Jack, once again, does nothing! What the fuck is up with Jack? He should have said: “Dot, you get your fat ass in my office NOW!” He should have fired her on the spot and gave the girl a free meal and pay for any cleaning expenses.
After attending a big party, Rose meets Robert (Duane Allen), an old rich creep obsessed with art. He knows she paints and wants to hire her, changing her life for the better and landing her in an apartment, rent free for a year. I guess Robert’s intentions were good, but he was just so creepy. If I were Rose, I would not be in a room alone with him. He reminded me of that security guy in TERMINATOR 2 that licked Sarah Connor’s face.
As in most Xmas movies, THE LEAST OF THESE – A CHRISTMAS STORY ends on a happy note, with the exception of one thing. Rose brings a coat to a homeless woman with a child on the street and that’s all. Rose now makes a lot of money, has a nice place, and leaves that poor woman on the street in the freezing cold. Did giving that woman a coat make her feel like a good person? At least when Rose and Katie were homeless, they had a car. They were sitting their ass on the cold concrete. I have no doubt that the woman died that night unless Charlie found her too and moved her in and hoped to get some there.
Overall, the film is pretty good but runs out of steam late. Had they cut it down to 80 minutes, it would have flowed much better, but even at 1 hour 40 minutes, it was still worth a watch. I recommend it.
