By Geno McGahee
For the first time, that I can remember at least, David Banner (Bill Bixby) is offered a drink. Initially, he declines, but then, he surprisingly has a few glasses of wine. I would think that being the Hulk would making drinking alcohol too risky. Get drunk, fuck shit up…you know the score. But perhaps, the calming effect that wine has on some has that on Banner too. In that case, it makes perfect sense why he drinks.
In the 1980 episode “The Lottery,” Banner stumbles upon Harry Henderson (Robert Hogan), a newspaper salesman, getting jumped by some goons. Banner chases them off and Harry credits Banner with saving his life and notes that you should always “return a favor with a favor.” Banner had that “you’re not sucking my dick” look on his face, but Harry soon tells him that he’ll take him out for drinks and dancing girls. Now, you can’t have Banner hulk up at a strip club. They rub those titties in your face and if you haven’t had sex for years, like Banner, he could be real trouble. Imagine the call. “Officer, some big green guy is rubbing one out and we can’t stop him!”
The two become fast friends and Banner starts working alongside Harry when the worst actor in the series of the Hulk comes along. Clark (David McKnight), a cop, starts telling Harry about how good his food is and how they should get together and start a restaurant. Harry laughs it off, but damn, was it a bad performance by McKinght. I see he’s in all sorts of other shit. So, I’m guessing he improved or he’s related to some big mover and shaker. We then meet the second worst actor ever in the Hulk series. Some punk kid, on his bike, is sobbing. Harry walks over and the kid says “I never do anything right. I’m a failure.” The delivery and dialogue is piss poor. Harry realizes the scam and elects to buy a lottery ticket from the kid and give him some advice about scamming. The newspaper salesman has a dark past that he only talks about to a select few….namely everyone he sees.
I wonder if Harry is on the witness protection program and that’s why he’s selling papers. If so, he needs to shut the fuck up about the scamming good ole days. It’s only a matter of time before somebody recognizes him and cornholes him from here to Tuesday. He only knew Banner for five minutes before he began talking about his scamming tricks, including a card trick that he messed up.
Becoming the Hulk may have been a million to one chance, but winning the lottery too? That’s nearly impossible odds and Banner did it, but a dead man can’t collect the check. The prize is 250 grand and Banner talks his new friend into getting it, cashing it, and splitting it down the middle. At first, Harry warns David that he’s a scammer at heart and it might not be a great idea for him to collect it, but he eventually relents. He shows up at the ceremony to award the check in one of the greatest fake beards in the history of television. Why didn’t anyone call him on it? Why was there an award ceremony for a lottery win? I know that we always see the ugliest people holding up big checks, but no ceremony. Why do only really ugly people win the lottery? Is it a conspiracy? I’d rather have a scammer with a fake beard win than some hideous shit bag that I have to look at when I’m trying to read the news.
Banner is now on cloud nine. He had that “I’m glad Harry has Cinemax and boxes of tissues” look on his face. He began calling around, spending his money already. He wanted to buy some science stuff to fix his condition and apparently there is stuff to buy, including a laser. I wouldn’t think that 125 grand would be enough for a laser, but Banner shopped around. I can picture Banner looking in the mirror, holding the laser and saying: “You turn into the Hulk again, I’m shooting your green dick off with this laser.” It would most likely work, but where does the show go from there?
David sits around, thinking of his laser, and soon realizes that Harry is not coming back. He double-crossed him. Banner is not one to bend over and walk away. He will seek revenge, which is why I’m so shocked he never killed Jack McGee (Jack Colvin) when he had a chance. He gets a chance later on in this episode when that pain in the ass reporter shows up, but, once again, he does nothing to him. Just avoids him.
Banner remember Harry mentioning a high quality hotel in the area that he would stay at if he was ever rich and he heads there, but is quickly turned away at the door. He sneaks in through a service entrance and goes through some heating ducts, only to be blasted with steam. For the first time in the episode, and it happens rather late, Banner hulks up and is totally shocked he’s in a heating duct. I have never seen the Hulk so surprised before and he gets quite irritated and starts breaking through walls, destroying sheetrock. Hanging sheetrock sucks. I bet those guys that do it hate the Hulk very much.
Another odd behavior that the Hulk displays in this episode borders on creepy. He breaks through a wall and a woman is showering. He watches her as she showers and smiles in a very creepy way. That’s just what you want to see when you step out of the shower…the Hulk jerking off. I wonder if that’s a side to Banner too. He seems like the perfect guy but maybe he gets turned off watching, rather than partaking in. I would like to think that the good doctor wasn’t one of those voyeur guys that set up hidden cameras in bathrooms to catch naked ladies. Because this is only one incident, I will give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he’s not a sexual predator.
When Banner finds Harry, he is wearing a great disguise. He is pretending to represent some foreign country with oil to scam some rich people out of money. He’s back to his old ways. What a great performance by Hogan in this. He has the worst accent in film history that comes and goes with regularity, but he plays it for all its worth. At one point, he cannot pronounce “Hulk” when he’s speaking to Jack McGee. He keeps saying “Hock” over and over again. He laughs right in McGee’s face and escorts him out of the room. When he comes back, he explains to David that this is a big scam and that he’d cut him in for even more. Banner won’t go for it but when the rich bad guys show up, he doesn’t have much of a choice.
When the rich guys speak to Harry or General Harry or whatever, they ask: “Why do you want to deal with a couple of wildcatters like us?” I’ve never heard the term before. What is a wildcatter? Is it a fan of the 1986 comedy with Goldie Hawn, “WILDCATS”? That makes sense. It was a good movie but I hated that fat fuck that kept asking for money to play. Considering that this episode is from 1980, there is very little chance that that is the reason, unless you factor in the Mandela effect or time travel or both or aliens.
As the deal is about to go down, Super Mario shows up. Well, he looks like Super Mario. First official (Luis Avalos) shows up and shoots and kills Harry/General and the rich guys run, leaving their money behind. Now, the death scene of Hogan is one of beauty. It is even more overacted than anything he’s done up to this point and it’s a thing of beauty. It turns out to be another scam and Harry and the lost Mario brother make a run for a helicopter, but the Hulk is now coming for them and gets them, causing the helicopter to explode. Damn that Hulk. Sheetrock walls are one thing, but this is a fucking helicopter.
The money goes up in the blaze and Harry’s last words, after Hulk rescues him, is “how can I explain this to David?” Since when does he give a fuck about David? And remarkably, David forgives him, leading to a final scene where Harry shows him a sign for “The Last Scam,” a restaurant he’s about to open. What? Would you eat at a place with that name? You have to assume that they will scam you out of your money or rub their balls in your food…something. It’ll fail and this scumbag will be scamming more people for sure. But David moves on and walks away, but it leaves one final scene that they should have included. They should have shown the guy standing with the laser he was planning to sell, screaming “where the fuck is that cocksucker?!”
THE LOTTERY isn’t the greatest episode, but what it lacks in overall substance, it makes up for in the amusement department, thanks in large part to the acting of Hogan. I highly recommend this one.
Rating: 7.5/10
