Who the hell hurt Rizzo? Who was it? I’ll kill them. I’ll kill the bastard. Stockard Channing is my hero. As a child when I would watch GREASE (1978), everyone would say how my sister was like Sandra Dee, but me I was always the bad one. I was Rizzo and worse in my family’s eyes was that I reveled in being Rizzo. I really loved her. She’s one of those rare gals I both wanted to be like and be with. So, before I talk about Stockard Channing’s character and the sad few moments in THE FIRST WIVES CLUB (1996), let us honor the iconic beauty with the most badass, fem anthem of all time. This was my jam growing up. The way she belts out the lyrics and the emotion she conveys – be still my heart.
THERE ARE WORST THINGS I COULD DO
Sadly, in THE FIRST WIVES CLUB (1996) we only get a few short glimpses of her. Cynthia (Stockard Channing) has been driven to the edge by her louse of an ex-husband. On the day he remarries, she kills herself. I want that scumbag dead! I hate him. I hate him so much.
Her death does reunite a trio of friends who were Cynthia’s sorority sisters. Elise (Goldie Hawn), Brenda (Bette Midler) and Annie (Diane Keaton) all come together in mourning. At first, they each lie and discuss how great they are doing. Each one however is on the brink of a nervous breakdown.
Actress Elise is constantly undergoing surgery and overexerting herself exercising in effort to score parts for women younger than herself. The cruel world of acting and how it treats aging beauties is no joke, but Goldie Hawn makes it hi-fucking-larious. I love her. She’s such a sexy minx who reels you in with her beauty but wins you over with her kindness. Her soon-to-be ex husband is an asshole who road her coattails. He then took up with a younger and admittedly nice, but very naive actress, Phoebe (Elizabeth Berkley). If that wasn’t enough, he was now suing for alimony. Fuck that guy!
Annie (Diane Keaton) is burdened with an unfaithful lout husband Aaron (Stephen Collins) and an overbearing mother (Eileen Heckart) who continuously blames Annie for Aaron’s douchebaggery. Thankfully, she does have a fem toughie daughter Chris (Jennifer Dundas) who stands by her mom at all costs. Knowing that coming out of the closet would irk her father, she holds onto the news until she can make it sting the most. She’s fabulous. She helps build her mother’s strength back up when Aaron runs around with their marriage counselor, Dr. Rosen (Marcia Gay Harden). Chris is witty, hardcore and doesn’t give a fuck. She knows her father’s a dick and calls him out for it.
The final gal, Brenda (Bette Midler) has all sorts of dysfunction going on in her house too. Her hubby Morton (Dan Hedaya) is nice, but he’s going thru a midlife crisis and starts slumming it with bitchy golddigger Shelly Stewart (Sarah Jessica Parker). Morton is very likable so it’s hard to hold his indiscretions against him as much as the other dudes. He still deserves a few quick knees to the nuts, but he’s just a guy who let his hard-on lead over his loyalty.
The women all reconnect over their men’s infidelity and flowing drinks. They soon ban together and decide to take their ex-mates down and make them pay for all the horrible things they’ve done. They enlist the help of Chris, Phoebe and even Brenda’s mobster uncle Carmine (Philip Bosco).
The feminist powerhouses take down the men with ease and fuck with every area of their lives. The results are fun and wacky. They also serve as a mechanism to show the strength of female friendship and how the commonalities of women’s struggles can unite and bring out the best of fem goddesses.
I love this movie. It’s a brilliant and hilarious production that is perfect to watch when you get the gals together for a night in.
Of course, afterwards there’s only one thing to do – listen to the legend Leslie Gore rock out YOU DON’T OWN ME.
Scared Stiff Rating: 6.5/10
