By Melissa Antoinette Garza
When TERROR AT THE RED ROOF INN (1972) opens we see Henry Smith (Arthur Space). Henry is a well-dressed old man with a killer green thumb (Nailed it!) He is kind, sweet and attentive to his plants. I’m sure I won’t change my opinion of this wonderful elderly guy by the end of the flick!
Henry’s 20 something old grandson, Baby John (John Neilson) is a cute, but peculiar man. John is sent to the airport to pick up Regina (Linda Gillen). Regina won a vacation getaway to Henry and his wife’s Evelyn’s (Mary Jackson) RED WOLF INN. Lucky her!
John’s a bit weird, but Regina seems instantly into him. When he asks if she wants to drive fast, she jump in and he puts pedal to the medal. A cop chase ensues, but the duo get away. They laugh it up and flirt a bit. It’s cute. I like it. Hopefully, Regina will be cool with whatever momma and daddy got going on and join the clan.
The INN is a luxurious estate. Immediately, upon arriving the entire group come out to welcome her. They’re so cheerful. This is going to be a great vacation for her! They’re not weird at all!
Evelyn with a huge smile on her face introduces the other guests model Pamela (Janet Wood) and Edwina (Margaret Avery) was on foot and hitchhiking when she just popped in.
Regina asks to use the telephone to call her mother and nice old Evelyn brings her right to one. See, nothing strange. Sadly, the phone line is dead. No worries, Evelyn assures she’ll have a man there to fix it right away!
Pam, Edwina and Regina bond before dinner and just chit chat about their lives. Despite being on vacation, Regina insists on helping in the kitchen for dinner. At first, Evelyn tells her that she couldn’t dream of bothering her, but when Regina tries to wander in the walk-in fridge, Evelyn has a change of heart and shoves the platter in her hands to walk out. Hmmmm…what is in that refrigerator? Something tells me Charlton Heston would know.
Whatever is in the food, everyone gorges on it. It isn’t just that Evelyn is a good cook. Her food brings people to near orgasmic levels of bliss. When everyone is beyond full, Evelyn brings out cake and insists they have a piece. No one can say no. Her baking is as good as the meal!
Over drinks, good ol’ Henry toasts Pamela while Baby John and Regina flirt. They all sit around the common area chatting when the ladies go off to bed. Before leaving, Regina asks if she can help with the dishes. She really is a nice girl and John really does notice.
John is definitely my type too. He’s a loyal, crazy boy who is ready to learn the ways of love and Regina can definitely show him a thing or two. That night, she has an erotic dream involving John though it was mixed with some nightmare surreal imagery.
After the dream, Regina wanders to the kitchen in the dark and finds John with a knife. She screams alerting the house to come down. John apologizes to her. He didn’t want to scare her! He likes her. Am I attracted to homicidal maniacs that make exceptions on who they kill based on their libido? Well, I have The Joker & Harley from BATMAN THE ANIMATED SERIES tattooed on my arm if that answers the question.
Regina admits to Edwina that she’s into Baby John. The girls joke about how they fall in love all the time. Again, the 70s were beautiful. I want to crawl inside these films and live there! Maybe not at the same houses with all the death, but at least within the philosophy of the women running the show and the men all too willing to come for the ride.
On the beach, Regina and Baby John build a sand castle together. Give me this over Swayze and Moore in GHOST (1990) any day. I like the awkwardness and slow initial touch of the first kiss. It’s sweeter and the whole atmosphere and tone being darker is much more appealing to me.
Sadly, the mood is killed when baby John freaks out over a shark he catches on a fishing line and bashes it to death on the beach screaming Shark over and over again. He goes overboard, but then turns to Regina and says, “I think I love you.” Poor shark, but I forgive him. He’s new at this whole thing and it’s safe to say he’s done a lot more than bashed a shark to death.
Later, everyone gets drunk at a party to say farewell to Edwina as it’s her last night there. What a nice thing for a hotel to do! For all the nights I’ve spent at hotels, Inns, and B&Bs never once did anyone throw me a farewell party. The best I got was Captain’s Night on a Cruise and that was for everyone! I think I was just being paranoid. The people at Red Roof Inn are just nice people who run a friendly place that give out free giveaways for no reason.
Oh wait, what’s that? Never-mind, Johnny-boy just asked Grandma Evelyn if he can keep Regina and she didn’t quite say yes. The good news is that it wasn’t a no either. The bad news is that I think John asking for ownership rights on another human being is a red flag. I’m not saying it’s a deal-breaker. It’s just something Regina should think about after a few hardcore sex scenes with him. She needs her fun and I need mine too so let her play and then decide if she wants to risk being part of that crazy fam or try to fight back. Finding out Johnny’s playbook in the bedroom is a great way to weigh the risks and benefits.
Regina gets upset when she finds out Edwina left without saying goodbye. Now knowing that something is seriously off, she grabs the phone and calls her mother. Evelyn hangs up and orders Baby John to take her to the bedroom. Sadly, no fun stuff happens as Regina is more interested in talking about Edwina and Evelyn.
The police come calling at the same time further eliminating my hopes of seeing any real hot action between the two leads. They have so much chemistry too! I want these crazy kids together. The officer (Michael Macready) is just another grandson and isn’t interested too much into what Regina is talking about.
Baby John definitely has more of a moral compass than the rest of his family and Regina sees that. She begs Johnny to run away with her, but he is a dutiful grandson and feels compelled to talk to Evelyn first. Having enough, she decides to venture into the locked refrigerator and see the scope of what has been done.
It’s not good. I think she was surprised. I sort of expected it, but I think she was hoping for something more reasonable. She flees on foot and a chase ensues.
Will she get away? Will she find someone who isn’t corrupt? Will Baby John betray his crazy family for love or will he do the unthinkable to Regina? You should watch and find out because this is a fucking awesome movie and it has one of the greatest final scenes in horror history.
The acting is sensational. Linda Gillen portrays Regina as a little minx-ie in the beginning, but alert and aware throughout. She can have fun and is ready to go, but she isn’t blind and she isn’t stupid. She’s got that all-girl-everything 70’s vibe that I love.
John Neilson is killer as Baby John. He’s too immature and needy to hold accountable for what he’s a part of. He’s also very cute.
Both Arthur Space and Mary Jackson are phenomenal as the creepy, weird and secretive Henry and Evelyn Smith. I love them. Their nonchalant attitude about their way of life is just a lovely spectacle of insanity.
For people who are fans of movies like UNHINGED (1982) or the campier, but equally awesome AMERICAN GOTHIC (1988) this is a treat! Somewhere in between WARLOCK MOON (1973) and MOTEL HELL (1980) sits TERROR AT THE RED ROOF INN. It’s terrifically wicked. Admittedly, there are no sex scenes so you’re imagination is going to have to do the work. Still, Neilson and Gillen’s chemistry helps out incredibly well with that.
Grab this one while it’s still on YOUTUBE!
Scared Stiff Rating: 8.5/10
