By Melissa Antoinette Garza
SCHLOCK (1973) is John Landis’s first film and it is sensational. It’s a ridiculous parody that is essentially a series of skits involving a Bigfoot type species known as Schlock.
The plot follows an animal known as The Banana Killer. Anchorman Joe Putzman (Eric Allison) is hot on the case. He interviews Professor Shlibovitz (Emile Hamaty) who has a plan to catch the large monkey. He puts an aluminum heat vent pipe over his head and descends into Schlock’s hole – only Schlock is already hitting the town.
Though he does kill quite a few people, he helps quite a few out too. At the movies, a young boy asks him to go to the bathroom and responsible Schlock brings him there. He is also nice enough to feed the guy next to him.
He soon comes across blind girl Mindy Binerman (Eliza Roberts). She’s about to get her sight back, but before she does she mistakes Schlock for a big dog. He plays along as it allows him to get a cheap quick feel. Sadly, Mindy doesn’t fall for Schlock. She’s in love with shaggy haired pretty boy Cal (Charles Villers).
Schlock is intent on being with her, but still has some fun in the meantime. He feeds some ducks, kills some douche-bags and learns how to play piano. He’s quite hilarious. John Landis was the man in the suit and he does a terrific job playing the camera. He constantly brings us in on the joke with these ridiculous “Can you believe this shit?” and “What the fuck?” looks. It immediately makes certain we’re on Schlock’s side.
The jokes age remarkably well. When the cops have Schlock and Mindy feels bad she starts crying hysterically. Cal apologies and Mindy’s response between emotional wails is, “but love means never having to say you’re sorry.” It’s insane. The reference makes no sense in context. It’s perfect
Other great bits include the ways in which Detective Sgt. Wino (Saul Kahan) tries to catch Schlock. At one point, he’s directing his men to set up barriers. He’s using a whistle, but he just keeps blowing the thing for five minutes straight. It’s just a dick thing to do. He’s a dick, but it’s great.
There are all these little things that this movie does well. It borrows dialogue that is often used in these movies but use them without context making them ridiculous. At one point, victims run out and into the arms of Wino. Before they do anything wrong and while they are still emotional, the detective just says, “Get lost.” It’s ridiculous. The police chiefs in films always say that, but usually there’s a reason. Here, there isn’t and it’s fabulous.
Everything about this film is a must-see. Whether Schlock is angrily trying to figure out vending machines, demanding candy from a cashier, launching annoying children all over the place or crying at the realization that Mindy doesn’t love him, it’s beyond funny.
There is zero rhyme or reason in SCHLOCK, but somehow that makes it work all the more. Sometimes people know he’s the banana killer sometimes people just think he’s a hairy hippie. Sometimes they run away screaming and sometimes they chill out with him and eat ice cream. It’s just nuts. I love nuts!
I don’t know why I never saw this before. It’s sensational. ARROW FILMS just released the blu-ray which can be purchased here: https://arrowfilms.com/product-detail/schlock-blu-ray/FCD1819. It can also be rented from YOUTUBE or GOOGLE PLAY, but this is definitely worth the purchase. It’s outstanding.
Scared Stiff Rating: 8.5/10
