By Geno McGahee
The 1970s is my favorite time for film and that goes especially for the drive in horror films that were so popular. Considering I was stuck with only my laptop and a 50 pack of horror films, I decided to give one a watch and started with the 1976 killer snake movie “RATTLERS.”
Two kids, camping in the desert with their parents, go off to find a skeleton and that’s OK with their dad. I found that strange that the dad laughed it off, unless he killed the guy that they found. If my kids came to me and said they found a skeleton, I’d go check it out myself before I’d let them investigate it.
Also, who the fuck goes camping in the desert to begin with? I hate camping as it is, but I get the appeal of hanging out in the woods, but the desert? Unless it’s Las Vegas and I’m in an air conditioned casino, I will not be in the desert. These idiots were acting like it was awesome.
The kids get killed by a bunch of rattlesnakes and it prompts Sheriff Gates (Tony Ballen) to contact snake expert, Tom Parkinson (Sam Chew, JR) for assistance. He is a professor, but he can’t turn down the money he’s getting to investigate. When he goes down there, he doesn’t find much and goes back home, but the killer snakes have more evil things to do and end up at a farm.
I felt bad for Rick (Scott McCartor), an apparently near-50 year old teenager. After his mother gets irritated with him, he walks over to get his dad and finds the dog and chickens dead and then gets killed by a snake, dropping his lantern and setting the barn on fire. What a way to go. The mother then encounters snakes in every room of her house. So, a few more for the death count and now Tom has a new job offer. He is to come back and try to figure this shit out.
The sheriff assigns Ann Bradley (Elisabeth Chauvet) to the case to take pictures and document and that doesn’t go over well with Tom. He doesn’t want a hot chick for an assistant. He wants a dude! The feeling is mutual though as Ann isn’t happy with the way society is and thinks Tom is part of the problem. Her liberal ways really upsets him and they have it out immediately, but it quickly gets ironed out and they begin their journey into this mystery.
They hear about a guy that got bit by a snake and go to visit him in the hospital and when they walk in, he’s looking at a porn mag. It’s great stuff. What a nice touch by the filmmaker. He then sexually harasses Ann a smidge and goes back to his porn mag when they leave. That is character development. I learned quickly that the guy liked porn.
The more that they dig, the closer they get to a military base and that’s when this film picks up some real steam. Tom meets up with Colonel Stroud (Dan Priest) and he is very open about a guy that died of snake bites and gives him every resource he needs to help in the investigation.
Tom and Ann meet Captain Delaney (Ronald Gold) and he immediately complements Ann, calling her sexy, but she liked it. Delaney is a charmer and is the best thing going in this movie. The performance of Gold is top notch and I wouldn’t be surprised if he won a few awards for it. Delaney offers them alcohol as well, but it’s too early for them…but not for Delaney. He wants to get wasted.
Tom is told by a helicopter pilot that they buried a container in a mine shaft and covered it with cement. Why the pilot gave Tom this information is anyone’s guess, but he did. He must just be a gossipy shithead and when Stroud found out that the cat was out of the bag, he wasn’t happy. Tom starts to put two and two together and realizes that the container might have something to do with the killer snakes.
The dialogue in this film is very amusing. I found myself laughing a lot as I watched this. At one point, Ann is giving her life story to Tom and talks about her mother being a factory worker. She says that “every night she came home, she aged another year.” That seems impossible. If this is true, it probably wasn’t the factory. It was probably meth.
The snakes keep killing and it leads to the awesome conclusion to this film that made my day. (SPOILERS) Delaney walks in and finds Stroud burning all the files and Delaney shines so much here. He has the biggest smile on his face and is so happy to see Stroud go down. He’s got a maniacal laugh and is just great here. Ronald Gold knocks it out of the park and should have done this more in the film.
Sadly, Stroud busts a cap in Delaney’s ass and is now on the run. Remarkably, the police take Tom along to take down the Colonel and track him to the mine where the snakes are. He immediately opens fire and shoots a police officer and then throws grenades. It’s great stuff. They try to talk to him and reason with him, but he just throws another grenade. Stroud will not go quietly.
The truth comes out and Stroud was involved with biological weapons and one of them created this mania effect that set everything in motion for the snakes to be aggressive. Tom and Ann decide to date and the snakes have been defeated…although there is the hint that they will return at the end. I guess it depended on the box office results.
RATTLERS has its fair share of problems. Sam Chew, JR., only has one speed in this movie. He is monotone throughout with only brief glimpses of emotion. Chauvet isn’t much better. This is a low budget film from the 70s with less than great actors, but Ronald Gold was the man. I watched that final scene with him a few times. His performance makes this film definitely worth a watch.
I highly recommend RATTLERS if you like 1970s drive in sort of films. There’s enough mystery, bad acting and overall silliness to amuse you for the 90 minutes it runs.
