By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Oh how much trouble one would get if they made a movie like this today, and oh how I wish they would!
PETS (1974) follows runaway blonde-beauty Bonnie (Candice Rialson) who immediately upon the film’s open is sitting shotgun in a car driven by her brother (Mike Cartel). It’s already nightfall, and he has just found her after she ran away. One can see why she bolted. He’s an abusive douche-bag. When she sees her chance at a fast-food joint, she takes off again. She’s a free spirit who won’t be pushed around by an overbearing tool. He catches her again and is ready to beat the shit out of her when he’s stopped by a group of people angry at an earlier road rage incident. She takes off again leaving her bro to face the music for some racist nonsense he was spewing and the dickhead way he was acting.
A safe distance away, Bonnie wanders the streets downtown where stores are closed and streets are near empty. The next morning she meets Pat (Teri Guzman) on her travels. Pat and a barking dog are having an argument. She doesn’t like dogs whereas Bonnie loves them. This is one of the small tidbits I love about this film. Of course, there’s the dogs / pets layer, but a level deeper this gives us some real insight into the characters and how Bonnie will be susceptible or react to some of the events that follow. We know right away from a few short interactions that Bonnie is a soft, ball of cuddles not yet tainted by the world. She’s naive and sweet. Pat even remarks of how kitten-esque she is (another domesticated pet).
The two women share some quick unkindness followed by a change of heart and some bonding. Pat sees a possible kindred spirit and a way to make some serious green. She offers Bonnie a cigarette which is turned down, but she does need a safety pin for her torn pink blouse. When retrieving one, Bonnie sees that Pat carries a gun. She asks why and in completely badass form is told, “to avoid the hassle of being raped. Can you dig that?”
Pat fixes her shirt and the two ladies start walking together. The two bond over talks of sleeping on the beach. They discuss wanting to make some cash and quickly an opportunity opens itself up. Pat with the reluctant assistance of Bonnie bait Dan (Frank Parker) an older man , going for a jog in a blue robe. He has a nice car, a cool pup and fine taste. He checks out Bonnie while she sits passenger and she’s not minding it at all. While she holds his dog, he begins petting it but lets his fingers fall to her legs. Bon flashes a smile, but before it can go further, Pat squashes it by taking out her gun.
Bonnie does her part in helping tie him up as Pat barks out orders and insults Dan. She owns the scene! Fearful for his life, he promises to get the girls some cash. That’s not good enough for Pat who tortures him until he tells her where the goods are back at his place. He folds, gives them the info and the keys.
Pat instructs Bonnie to stay with Dan, while she runs and gets the green. She sneaks around while the gardener (Roberto Contreras) tends the bushes outside. He mistakes her for one of the workers so she gets away without incident. Poor poochie doesn’t fare as well when Pat throws it off a mountain and kills it. That’s just awful! I don’t care what you do to Dan, but don’t hurt the dog!
Meanwhile, a car shows up that could rescue Dan, so Bonnie begins provocatively dancing around him and opens her shirt to distract him. It is marvelously distracting and it works wonders. Bonnie does begin to feel badly and nearly frees him, when Pat returns.
Bonnie isn’t happy about the dog death either, but when Pat promises her $200 and a diamond bracelet, she’s back in. Pat has a last minute change of heart and ditches Bonnie who then decides screwing a tied up guy isn’t a bad gig. She jumps on Dan who suddenly feels a whole lot better about his predicament.
After the romp, Bonnie leaves him deciding he can find his own way.
Her next encounter is in town when Bonnie at a farmer’s market, like Eve, steals an apple. Fem goddess and wealthy painter, Geraldine Mills (Joan Blackman) throws the fruit on her tab. She lets Bonnie tag along with her bringing Bonnie back to her place. Geraldine sets up a nice bubble-bath and begins to help her undress.
Mills is just gorgeous. She wears a fire-engine red jumper that compliments her dark brunette hair wonderfully. She asks Bonnie to move in and be her model. The women have fun at a carnival, go shopping and share fancy cocktails. At first it seems like a wonderfully sweet romance between the two. Sadly, Ms. Mills does have a few flaws. She’s a bit controlling and doesn’t want to share sweet Bonnie.
On the beach, while posing the camera pans to two dogs running just as Geraldine starts to get more forceful (domesticated pets).
At Geraldine’s gallery, rich and eccentric Vincent Stackman (Ed Bishop) purchases the painting of Bonnie. When Bon asks him where she’ll be hung, he answers in his bedroom. Well now, where ever could this lead?
Later, he goes to Geraldine’s house while the two women are having fun in the kitchen. He walks in when no one comes to the door and Mills is a bit upset about his forwardness. When she goes to get dressed, Vincent turns up the flirtation with Bonnie. He’s definitely a dangerous bad boy with some very wild and very scary kicks.
The gals relationship troubles get worse as Bonnie wants to introduce a guy in the mix. Though, I’m pretty sure the line would be miles long if ever the invitation was opened, Gerry doesn’t much want it. One night, when the duo are about to make love Ron (Matt Green) a burglar breaks in and asks for food. Bonnie having a great heart tries to reason with her lover to help him. Geraldine refuses and insists on calling the police. She gives Bon the gun and instructs her to keep him there. Bonnie doesn’t listen and instead hides her in his bedroom. She truly is a good soul and damn she looks amazing in lingerie! She gives him food and then starts seducing him. He tries to resist because he’s afraid of Geraldine, but Bon is just too irresistible. He jumps in and on and things get really hot and heavy between them. Sadly, Mills figures out the score the next morning. When Geraldine refuses to let Ron stay, Bonnie is about to leave with him. Gerry doesn’t want to lose her and she takes the whole thing very poorly. It ends with deadly consequences that send Bonnie running away once again.
She comes across the two dogs (I think you see where I’m going) from before as she breaks down crying. From a sexual standpoint, I definitely prefer Geraldine and in a primal sense I find myself rooting for her; however Ron is truly a nice dude. Had things been different it’s possible the two could have had a fighting chance. Sadly, Bonnie isn’t completely innocent as she was ready to cheat on Geraldine and steal money to set Ron financially up. We are dealing with very flawed people.
Speaking of flawed, Vincent returns and offers Bonnie a place to hide out. He warns the police may be looking for her and invites her to be his house-guest.He’s so dashing, but such a woman-hating bastard! Of course, Bonnie doesn’t know that so she goes with him. She tells him that she doesn’t have any clothes, and just like Gerry he takes her shopping.
He doesn’t mind too much as he insists on choosing everything she wears. He does so in a very sexy way. Back at is place, the camera focuses on Lila, a white kitty – such a pure domesticated animal. When it’s time to put Lila to bed, we also get to see where Bonnie is intended to sleep.
Back at the art gallery, Geraldine is a wreck worrying about Bonnie and grieving over their relationship. When Vincent sees her, he convinces her to come back with promises to see Bon. She relents. At his house, he tries to convince her that all women want to be pets and that Bonnie has asked to see her.
In the end, it is Bonnie who finds a bit of liberation and the wardens who get a taste of their own medicine.
From beginning to end, PETS is a fantastic production. It’s wild and crazy and uninhibited. It’s sexy and gets to play a few games, while also giving a touch of consequences for unacceptable behaviors and antics.
Without question, Bonnie is the hero. The desire for her freedom and autonomy is what drives this film forward. That doesn’t mean we can’t have wonderful sex scenes and gorgeous moments of insanity throughout. It still has a compelling story, intricate characters, terrific actors and a fiery, no-holds-barred attitude. In the end, there is no question. Vincent is a villain. Geraldine is a more likable villain and Bonnie is a fierce survivor who has learned quite a bit on her journey that we were able to have a front row seat for.
Catch this on YOUTUBE before the piracy police take it down as it is a pricey out-of-print buy unless you go bootleg (not that I’d ever recommend that).
Scared Stiff Rating: 7/10
