By Geno McGahee
Dear lord. I wonder if I should end my review right there, but since I was a trooper and sat through NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION 2: COUSIN EDDIE’S ISLAND ADVENTURE, I feel that I need to share the pain with you, the readers. Now, the writer, Matty Simmons, of this also wrote the blockbuster: BABY HUEY’S GREAT EASTER ADVENTURE. So, they started out with good groundwork to follow up on the successful and funny NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION, and the characters are already built in with actors that understand them and how they operate. Unfortunately, this film has zero redeeming qualities and is one of the most unfunny shit bags I’ve ever watched. I never use the term “shit bag” to describe a film. This movie has inspired me like no other film could. So, maybe it deserves a point for that.
The film is a reunion film, more or less. We do have some of the cast of the original 1983 NATIONAL LAMPOONS VACATION, including Dana Barron, reprising her role as Audrey after 20 years away from it. She was also in DEATH WISH 4: THE CRACKDOWN…that’s where I initially remembered her from, but then I realized she was the original Audrey. She does what she can in this role, but she isn’t given much to work with. Randy Quaid returns as “Cousin Eddie” and Miriam Flynn is back as his wife, Catherine. The fact that we have these particular people back gives us cause for excitement, but they had Simmons write it. Damn them.
OK, we begin with Third (Jake Thomas), the son of Eddie and Catherine and the only one of their children that is intelligent. The rest of their children are living with their grandparents and their daughter is still stripping in Vegas. So, at least they tried to maintain some connection to the others. Third is one of the most annoying characters in film history and the acting by Thomas is abysmal but, once again, the material is so bad that I don’t blame him entirely. Eddie and Catherine are staying with Audrey and Eddie has a job working with nuclear waste. They pump it into his system and test how it impacts his intelligence. He works across from a monkey and when the money gets tight, they let Eddie go and keep the chimp. The comedy in this film is so bad and unfunny. A lot of the direction leans on Quaid as they keep up the strange reactions and expressions throughout. As much as Quaid is Eddie in this, he’s really not. He has become a shell of what the character was. At no time do I connect this Eddie with the Eddie from the others and the role is played by the same guy! It takes a special kind of film to be this bad.
When Eddie gets bitten by the chimp, the company decides to avoid a lawsuit by giving Eddie and his family an all-expense paid island trip. A heart-broken Audrey joins them and so too does Uncle Nick (Ed Asner). The terrible jokes continue and none of it works. Humor, for the most part, works when it’s relatable or there is some suffering. When the plumbing in the bathroom starts leaking, water explodes from everywhere, including the toilet. Third brings Catherine a gigantic wrench, which was another part of this joke. They don’t let it die there though. When they pull off, after some dog fart jokes, water explodes from every window of the house. Wasn’t funny the first time. Wasn’t funny then. Will never be funny.
They arrive at the island and meet Muka Laka Miki (Sung Hi Lee) and the great humor continues. Eddie continues to mispronounce her name and they keep harping on it. Poor Sung Hi Lee. How did she get roped into this production? How did any of these actors and actresses get roped into this? Is this part of that Hollywood whackers thing? Are they behind this? Something evil must be responsible for putting these poor actors and actresses through this and then the poor audience…and me.
Miki becomes their tour guide and they take a boat out, where another unfunny gag transpires. Eddie tries fishing but gets a shark and the boat goes back and forth and back and forth for what seems like an endless time. They then crash and end up at an island and have to survive and this is where that suffering thing comes in. In the other Lampoon’s Vacation films, what made them so funny were their reactions to things. For instance, when the squirrel was running around in the original CHRISTMAS VACATION, the group saw the danger and those things can bite. It was funny because there was an impact that was understandable. Here, there is no suffering and no conflict. When they hit the island, everyone just maintains their happy vibe. There is no concern that could have been translated into humor. By the way, I remember seeing that fucking Baby Huey movie and that was terrible too.
The group celebrates Christmas on the island and get rescued. The end. Now, I am convinced that this was not a Christmas movie. The intention was not for it to be one. They changed the screenplay to reflect the holiday and slapped “National Lampoon’s” on it to sell it. So, if you’re looking for that Xmas feeling, it was not captured here. With Randy Quaid in this, it could and should have been so much better…especially considering that he knows the character and understands where he is coming from. Unfortunately, the character has been reduced to a guy that makes weird faces and falls down a lot. There is no character development at all. I’m sure that Dana Barron wishes that she came back for one of the earlier ones and maybe it’s not too late for her to jump in for the next VACATION movie. That film was rather good and made money. Maybe they can get her into the sequel. I really feel bad for her being part of this mess. You can see how hard she is trying to make this work but it is mission impossible and the same goes for Sung Hi Lee. You can see that she has comedic timing and could have been used to great effect, but we would need something good to work with.
Ed Asner probably needed the money. That’s the only reason why I can think of that he took part in this film…or he was just intrigued by the idea of kissing some hot younger chicks. That’s probably it. Good for you Asner. NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION 2: COUSIN EDDIE’S ISLAND ADVENTURE is as bad as it gets and is an insult to the others in the series. And I thought VEGAS VACATION was bad. This is a whole new kind of bad.
I give credit to the cast for trying on this one, but you can’t shine shit. Hmmm. Another shit reference. I hope this movie hasn’t totally ruined my reviews forever. I usually don’t have a potty mouth when I write. So, watch this if you dare. I dare you. I dare you to suffer like I did. It’s only fair.
Rating: 1/10 – They got the Baby Huey guy to write this? Really? Really?
