By Melissa Garza
It seems like articles about bullying are being covered by every branch of the media lately. Whether it is children being tormented in the classroom, online or via texts, it is clear that bullies are making the lives of some poor kids un-tolerable.
The most famous case in recent years is that of Phoebe Prince. Phoebe had been born in Ireland and in 2009 moved to South Hadley, Massachusetts where she began attending high school. She began getting teased and tormented by at least two separate groups of girls. She was targeted most frequently due to boys she had dated and the way in which the girls who bullied her She had arguments with other girls, which resulted in her being taunted, mocked and insulted to a point where she felt she could not escape. Sadly, she was only 15 years old when she took her own life.
I live a mere 7 miles away and can attest that though the case obtained worldwide attention, locally the uproar has been enormous.
Astonishingly, the bullying did not end when the young girl died. People actually flooded her memorial webpage with insults. Acts like that make one question the conscience of humanity or more accurately the lack thereof.
It is when considering the sad life of Ms. Prince that one can easily understand the motivation which drove Florida mom, Debbie Piscitella.
Debbie was shopping in the mall with her 13 year old daughter McKenna. It was there that they spotted Jon, a 14 year old boy, who had been terrorizing McKenna online. He had posted inappropriate sexual comments and cruel insults on Facebook.
Debbie did everything right. She had sought help from the School Resource Office, but the bullying never stopped. She went one step further and called the police department, however Jon kept harassing her daughter.
McKenna grew so upset by the taunting that she wanted to hurt herself. Debbie was desperate and her hands were tied. What is a parent to do?
On that day, Debbie says she just “lost it.” There she was, face-to-face with the person who created all of these family problems for her. She first attempted a diplomatic approach. She asked him to stop the nonsense and he refused. He said that he didn’t have to.
Debbie then wrapped her hands around the boy’s neck and strangled him. The boy is unharmed but of course, she was arrested and now is out-on-bail. I personally think that the punishment should be no more than a small fine. One has to sympathize with the mindset of Debbie and give her credit for attempting the proper channels.
Can anyone say they would do anything differently?
Recently, the topic of bullying seems to be following me everywhere. In school, both my husband and I were victims of constant harassment – maybe that’s one of the reasons we gravitated to one another. We understood each other in ways that others never could. He gets why I cringe whenever high school is mentioned. I get why he can’t laugh at certain jokes, even when told by his favorite comedians.
Since, Stephen and I attended different schools – I’ll explain my history. The first time I remember being bullied was elementary school. This kid Paul asked me out. As I explained I wasn’t allowed to date these two girls, Janelle and Heather started laughing. It seems Paul only asked me out as a dare. This had to be second or third grade.
Things didn’t really get bad until junior high. Then I met Brian. His last name started with P and mine with M, so I had the pleasure of seeing him quite frequently in homeroom. He made fun of everything I wore, everything I said and everything I did. He shoved nasty notes on my desk. He had his girlfriend Christina slap me across the face. He asked me about sex and told me I needed to douche. At one point, I was in summer school for missing too many days. Of course, Brian was in the class. He would make crude comments about what I looked like in a bathing suit and once pushed me down in front the other students. No one said anything. All of this was in 6th grade. After high school, he would come into an auto store I worked at. He was still a prick. He would make fun of me the same way he had in high school. At this point, we were in our early 20s. It was shortly after that time, that he died of a drug overdose. Many say I should still find a way to feel sympathy for him. It’s been about 8 years and I still have not found a way to feel anything but contempt towards him.
There was another boy that decided I was a good target and is actually the reason that the topic of bullying has been brought up so frequently in recent days. An acquaintance befriended him on a social networking site. Of course, seeing his name sends me down memory lane which is a trip I don’t often like to take.
He would put razor blades on my desk to encourage me to commit suicide. He actually penned a suicide note and signed my name to it. At one point, I told him I was going to kill myself and it would be his fault to which he replied that I should be sure he gets the credit. He would punch me in the back leaving bruises on my shoulders. If I sat somewhere else, he would be sure to follow. He would press both sides of my jacket down because it was a strange cheap plastic material that would deflate and make an obnoxious sound. He would call me names and pull my hair. He would trip me and step on my feet.
If I’m not mistaken, awhile later, he got in trouble for making sexually explicit calls to girls from the gym teacher’s home.
It wasn’t only boys who screwed with me. There were a few skanks as well. I remember this one who slapped me for no reason at all. She would pretend to be nice to me, get close and then slap me as hard as she could. She would tell me she wanted to fight me and then when I would finally give up and say that I would, she’d back down. She told me I smelled, my hair was greasy, I had lice, I was ugly, and that no one would ever have sex with me. This was around 8th or 9th grade!
Looking back, I’m amazed that I didn’t commit suicide. Other than my mother, sister and brother – I had no support. I never spoke of being bullied. It was embarrassing as hell. No kid wants to admit that they’re not cool. They want to give the illusion that everything is fine – even when it’s not.
Though, I am one of the lucky ones to have survived. I do have battle scars. I am very proud of the journey and I am definitely one of the people who say, “If only I knew then what I know now because things would have been so different.”
It is so important to make clear to the children that the bullies of today will be nothing tomorrow. It is always the outcasts, the nerds and the freaks that rise up to the challenge. We are the ones who persevere and change the world. The bullies end up watching sports, drinking beer, working 9 to 5, and doing nothing else.
If only someone could have told Ms. Prince that. If only someone could convince the bullied and the ignored that once high school ends – it’s truly over. The hell that was forced upon them will never return and that all those who caused it, will forever live in their own hell. Otherwise, they end up like Brian – overdosing in his early 20s and leaving nothing behind but people like me who only have awful memories of him.
As for Debbie – maybe strangling a 14 year old boy wasn’t the best decision…but good for her for taking a stance and defending her daughter. For the rest of us, I remember watching movies like Carrie and Christine. I’d always watch the characters get blown away and it was very therapeutic. Two other great films are Heathers and the movie Heathers “borrowed” a lot from Massacre at Central High. I know nowadays with tragedies like the Columbine, people are afraid to allow children to vent through violent television. I can’t speak for everyone, but I do know that without movies like that, I wouldn’t be nearly as sane as I am.
Thanks to old school heavy metal like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden and horror films where the geeks won, I always had something in the back of mind that offered a little hope and gave me a smile during my bleakest times.
