By Polly “News” Hughes
I checked my email and got six trillion and four email questions because y’all know that I got the scoop. In the 1970s, I was the one that broke the Bee Gees thong story that shocked the music world down to their thong. Now, I got things to do. So, I can’t answer all six trillion, but I’ll answer a few. Here they are.
MANDELA EFFECT MADNESS
Polly,
Big fan. Love you to pieces. Do you believe in the Mandela Effect? I sort of remember a movie with Sinbad being a genie and so do other people. I also keep hearing the songs and the lyrics are wrong. What is your take on this phenomena?
Chadwick Hunter
Chadwick,
I know all the haters out there will be saying “Polly you crazy,” but I KNOW that Sinbad was in that movie because I used to work at a video store and that VHS tape was in stock. I saw that shit and I remember the movie poster being in the books we used to get. So, I’m with you. There is something fishy going on here and maybe it’s CERN. Maybe it’s alternate realities. Maybe it’s god’s way of slapping the earth with his cock. Who knows but it’s real player.
GOFUNDME GOFUCKED ME
Polly,
I can’t raise any money for my gofundme project. I’ve been telling my team that I have money saved up but I’m fronting and they’re going to know when they see that I only got pennies and I can’t even afford Aldis hot dogs! Do you have any gofundme marketing advice?
Penniless
Penniless,
I see so many gofundmes and 95% are run by people without jobs and are mostly scams. You want money…GET A JOB! Get off your fat asses and get fucking jobs and maybe you can shop at a better place than Aldis when you get your first paycheck. My marketing advice is to GET A JOB. Some places hire anyone.
OLDIE BUT GOODIE
Polly,
I’m an actor in my 70s, but I still want to do love scenes. Do people still want to see an old guy like me make out with a woman and/or man on screen?
Oldie but Goodie
Oldie but Goodie,
NOBODY wants to see an old guy stick his gross tongue down the throat of some chick or dude. Hell, maybe a young dude bending over some old man would be quite funny. Give up your acting job and pick up your Viagra at the pharmacy buddy boy. Y’all aint got it.
UFO OVER WALMART
Polly,
Did you see that UFO video on Facebook with that guy and the kids? It was pretty impressive and looked real to me. What do you think?
Alien Lover
Alien Lover,
I did see it and that was some intense shit. If I was an alien, I would be interested in destroying all Walmarts and getting rid of all those fatties in pajama pants with their EBT cards. Aliens would be mad cool if they did that.
DO YOU REALLY KNOW HIM?
Polly,
Do you really know Don Gorske? That awesome guy that ate all those Big Macs?
Ronald McDongald
Ronald,
Yes I do. He’s my homie. Coolest guy ever as you can tell. He loves slamming that meat in his mouth.
