By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Okay, I moved this up to the top of my list of flicks to review for a very good reason, and that professional and mature reason is that I want to see more Rosalba Neri and you can’t stop me!
Here, Dr. Tania Frankenstein (Rosalba Neri) returns home from receiving her medical degree. Her father Baron (Joseph Cotten) gives her a warm welcome and asks about her schooling. She tells him the struggles of being a woman and the misconceptions some douches had about a woman’s place. Nobody, tells Rosalba Neri – um I mean – Dr. Tania Frankenstein what to do. She is magnificent.
Tania tells her father that she wants to use her talents in surgery not only to help with his experiments, but to show him her own as well.
Local criminal, scum-bag Lynch (Herbert Fux) arrives to do business with his father and is a drunk idiot. Tania cuts him down with fierce confidence, control and a few chiding comments that hit home. She does put the fem in feminist. I love it.
Lady Frankenstein arrives at a busy town square as the residents ready themselves for a good old fashioned hanging. Baron tries to tell Tania to go home, but she kindly declines. With the help of his mild-mannered assistant, Dr. Marshall (Paul Muller), Baron is convinced she can stay. She isn’t turned off by the vision, but it does give her a different perspective on murder. She’s a mad, Gothic, bad vixen with wiles only matched by her intellect.
That night, she sneaks in to see Marshall and Baron operating on their latest creature. Her father lets her take a quick peek. The experiment goes awry and the creature kills Baron. It typically would be a sad occasion, but considering now Tania is officially the Lady of the House now, I’m good. Baron’s had enough fun. I want to see Tania play!
Tania starts working side-by-side with Marshall. Now, Charlie isn’t blind. He sees the Lady Frankenstein and he likes what he sees. She convinces him to keep quiet about the creature to preserve her father’s reputation. The dutiful Charles abides by her wishes. Personally, I find Marshall rather dashing myself. When I watch this now, I often think of Niles Crane (David Hyde Pierce) from FRASIER. Both characters have qualities that I find irresistible. He’s delicate, has a soft side and is a man of science who doesn’t mind being dominated by the right woman.
When he panics about being questioned by the cops, Tania puffs him up by saying, “You were marvelous, Charles, Thank you.”
The expression on his face is so rousing. Muller allows Marshall to just fall into Tania’s trance as he submissively asks, “What now?” It is a fine showing of both Tania’s power and Marshall’s descent into ecstasy.
Later she requests his help building another creature, but he initially says no. Baron’s escaped creature murdered two residents and he feels responsible. Tania is there to ease his worries and says she merely wants to make the new creature to kill the old violent one. I’d usually say that wasn’t a sound plan, but when said with such assertiveness and prowess, I’d go along with it. Lady Frankenstein is very convincing and she has her bases covered.
She goes to Lynch and offers him $500 to get an able-bodied corpse, but Lynch being the scumbag is doesn’t want to charge her the same price he did Baron. He wants her to sleep with him. She does not lower herself to even consider that. Instead, she does the smart thing. She tells Marshall and he reacts wonderfully predictable. He gets angry and jealous and rants and raves, but now he’s fully invested in doing whatever it is she asks.
Tania gets him to admit that he loves her and only stayed as Baron’s assistant to be around her. Lady Frankenstein is not as into Marshall’s outward appearance as I am. She love his doting and good nature, but wants something a little more mainstream attractive on the outside. For that, there’s Tom (Marino Masé), a younger chap with learning disabilities. She wants what he’s packing on the outside with Marshall’s brain.
Oh, I love Charles so much. He needs a good girl, but damn I understand why he goes bad. She concocts the plan to murder Tom and convinces Marshall by promising to allow him to possess her. She says she’ll be his wife and that’s all that he needs. He jumps on board with having his brain put in Tom’s body.
Charlie is under her spell. He gives her a diamond ring he had saved for years, the two marry and she does let him play with her a bit though I would have preferred to see more of them together.
Meanwhile, the creature is out killing people and Captain Harris (Mickey Hargitay) keeps nosing around. For a busybody cop in a horror film, he does have some sensational lines. Two of my favorite are:
Captain Harris: “One day Lynch, you’re going to tell me the wrong thing at the right time.”
Captain Harris: “You don’t believe in monsters do you?”
Tania: “of course not”
Captain Harris: “ I do.”
Don’t get wrong. I’m still very much #TeamLadyFrankenCharles. That’s the best couple nickname I can come up with.
While Harris is snooping around, Tania enacts her plan. She begins seducing Tom while Charles watches on. Marshall doesn’t deserve to be cuckolded! While she’s on on top rocking the night away, Charles comes in and suffocates him with a pillow. Lady Frankenstein doesn’t take that as a sign to get off the ride. She goes until she hits her climax. It doesn’t get badder than that. She is pretty fabulous, isn’t she?
Tania performs the surgery and while Marshall is under one can see that she does love him in her own way. She just loves science more. She’s a passionate woman and Charles is just happy to be around that.
The surgery is a success and when the OG Killing Creature faces off against a bunch of torch-wielding villagers, he returns home. There, New Charles and Tania fight him with the townspeople not too far behind.
These movies are so much fun. They’re silly and crazy and filled with awesome settings and wonderful characters. The acting is fantastic and the pace is perfect.
Currently on AMAZON PRIME and YOUTUBE, catch this one there if you don’t own it.
Scared Stiff Rating: 7.5/10
While picking stills this song came on and it is just remarkably fitting so enjoy.
