By James
I was talking to a nice young man about Jesus when I got the call from a very dear friend and they stated that John Cena was dead. My god, not Cena. That man has made a difference in so many lives. Why couldn’t the good lord take the life of one of those fat chicks in the front row at church that are only there for the free brownies. Strike them down oh Lord.
Thankfully, John Cena is alive and well. It was a death hoax started by some chump who obviously could not see him. I called up John and wanted his opinion on this matter and he had the following to say:
“James, first and foremost, you are the best writer of all time. I can’t see you. You’re that good. But damn, I am steaming mad. I can understand if they can’t see me, but don’t jump to the conclusion that I’m dead. I’ve got plenty of good years left and much more five knuckle shuffling to do. If I catch the human buttplug that started this rumor, I’m going to give them the FU and then hold them down and let the Big Show split them like firewood from behind while Bastion Booger sits on their face. Oh shit. Is Bastion Booger dead or did I just start a hoax?”
(May not be comments of John Cena)
