By Geno McGahee
On top of covering horror films, I also cover boxing, and so it only makes sense to try to figure out just what would happen should two horror monsters collide. We’ve seen FREDDY VS. JASON, but other than that, we haven’t seen much…and what about the guys that are relatively unknown like Madman Marz and Cropsy? Could they upset a monster like Jason Voorhees? Let’s find out.
THE BREAKDOWN
Jason Voorhees
11 films, 1 remake
120 + kills
Current Condition: Zombie
Strengths – Power, size, ability to take a punch, cannot be killed.
Weaknesses – Gets frustrated, can’t think on his feet, very self-conscious about his looks, goes into sleep mode when buried or chained to a rock in a lake.
Jason is one of the most intimidating horror icons that is just a tower of power to say the least. He tends to use basic weapons like an axe or machete, but he has also been spotted using power tools. He doesn’t need a weapon because of his strength, often using his power to break people in two. A veteran of 12 films (OK, #9, #10 and the remake we should probably not count), Jason brings experience into this fight.
Madman Marz
1 film, 1 rumored remake
10 or so kills
Current Condition: Unknown (Ongoing debate…some say alive, others contend zombie)
Strengths: Power, size, remarkably quick.
Weaknesses: Bothered by bright lights, sentimental, overweight, overly sensitive hearing.
Madman Marz was a crazy farmer that killed his family and was hanged by the town, only to go missing the next day. You cannot say his name above a whisper or he will come and kill you. He does one of three things, usually. He can axe you to death, hang you or claw you with his fingernails. Madman is used to taking on campers and has not had a real fight against an equal. He is an underdog in this fight.
THE FIGHT
Meeting in a neutral wooded area, the two face off and Jason gives a little chuckle, which is out of character. He sees this as not much of a challenge…and some say that he whispered “he’s going to be easier than Horshack,” but Madman lunges at Jason with the axe, clipping him in the shoulder. Jason, infuriated, grabs the axe and breaks it in two. He throws Madman to the ground and begins walking toward him. Madman, the quicker of the two, jumps to his feet and grabs his rope and attempts to hang Jason, but he can’t overpower him. As strong as Madman is, he is easily overpowered by Jason.
Madman is running out of ideas and tries slashing away with his sharp fingernails…but Jason is not impacted. A shot in the dark swipe knocks off Jason’s hockey mask, which infuriates him. He is very touchy about his looks. Jason runs away, and Madman celebrates, but the man behind the mask returns with a tree-trimming buzz saw. The noise causes Madman to quickly cover his ears. If you say his name above a whisper, he hears it…this is killing him!
Jason begins cutting up Madman with the buzz saw, doing terrible damage to the crazed farmer, eventually dropping him to the ground. Jason celebrates, lifting the buzz saw in the air in victory, but it’s not over yet. Jason takes the rope that Madman had dropped on the ground and hangs him from the tree, much the way that the townspeople did. Jason is victorious in this mismatch of horror monsters and eagerly awaits his next challenge.
The next day Madman was missing again. He will live to fight another day.
WINNER: JASON VOORHEES
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ahah, awesome story! No one can overpower Jason…
Thanks…. new series… I think that Jason is the champ, but we have the Creeper that is itching for a shot at him.