Hollywood Official Press Release
James Witherspoon, one of the biggest stars of our time, has been named “Best Writer of All Time” by the Global Writer’s Guild, for his contributions to society, especially in these times. James was at the virtual award show and had the following to say:
“Yo, check this out. What is up with you pussies and your facemasks? This coronavirus is a hoax. YA HEARD! You’re worse than those EBT warriors with their welfare checks and fat asses in their pajama pants at Wal-Mart. YA HEARD! I reluctantly accept this award, but you bitches got to get your shit straight.”
Celebrities were quick to give their opinions on this prestigious award that is only given out every 5 thousand years.
Quentin Tarantino (PULP FICTION, DJANGO, RESERVOIR DOGS)
“WOW! I’m more shocked then when some redneck motherfucker from Pennsylvania claimed to know me. I was even more shocked when I found out he was a molester. Wow. Now, James is the man. I love the guy. I keep bugging him to write me a screenplay but he’s too busy getting women.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger (TERMINATOR, TERMINATOR 2, TERMINATOR 3, TERMINATOR 4, TERMINATOR…YOU GET THE PICTURE.)
“I’ll be back. YA HEARD! I want to give my buddy James, mad props….much more than I’ll give the screenwriter for that last TERMINATOR movie…. You see that manly bitch they got? She acted like she had a big cock. This PC shit is taking these movies, shitting them out, and dumping them on my chest like I’ve seen in those German movies.”
Taylor Hicks (AMERICAN IDOL, NOTHING ELSE)
“SOUL PATROL! I want to give James all the credit in the world! I haven’t been this happy since Clay Aiken offered me a rim job. SOUL PATROL! He makes me proud!”
Jared Fogle (SUBWAY MOLESTER)
“Want a 12 inch with that?”
(Comments may not be those of listed celebrities.)
