By James Witherspoon
I told y’all it was a fluke the last time my boy, James Holzhauer, lost to the librarian with strange hair, Emma Boettcher. The Tournament of Champions just concluded on Friday and James showed Emma a thing or two. YA HEARD! As much as Emma tried to hide that rage, it was showing in her eyes man. Take a chill pill Emma. YA HEARD!
I felt bad for that fat guy that made it to the final three. He had no shot. He had less of a shot of one of those soy boys of getting a job. James can now go on to face Ken Jennings, that geek, if he has the balls. Jennings looks like a guy that would sit on his hand until it fell asleep so he could jack off and it’d feel like somebody else was doing it.
I want to send my congrats to my boy, James, for the win, and I got in touch with the LEGENDARY Pat Sajak, of Wheel of Fortune fame, and he had the following to say:
“Firstly, I want to say that you are the best writer of all time James and James Holzhauer is the best game show player of all time. With guys like you, I can make it through this world and stomach those EBT-toting fat geeks that you see at Walmart.
I want to address all those people out there that say ‘why didn’t you ever bang Vanna?’ The answer is simple. When you host WHEEL OF FORTUNE, you get tail all the time. I also do this awesome thing where I sit on my hand until it fall asleep and then I jack off and it feels like somebody else is doing it. I often pretend it’s Ken Jennings doing it.”
Well said Pat. YA HEARD!
(Comments may not be those of Pat Sajak)
