By Geno McGahee
I will NEVER say another negative word about Matthew Broderick. It is true. You don’t know what you got until it’s gone. In the first INSPECTOR GADGET in 1999, Matthew Broderick played the part and did a fair job and when I decided to watch the follow up, I expected to see Broderick reprise the role. He didn’t. It was played by French Stewart and I wondered where I had seen him before and then it hit me. He was the guy that was in the worst movie I ever saw: HOME ALONE 4. In that shitfest, Stewart played a combination of the Harry and Marv character and it was an insult to the series, to film and to humanity. That was in 2002. One year later, Stewart wasn’t done.
So no Broderick, but none of the original actors are back and it’s obvious why. The first was made on a budget of 75 million and this one was only given 12 million. I’m sure the original actors were sent the screenplay with the hopes that they’d see beyond the money and see the art and maybe that’d appeal to them. Sadly, the screenplay was pure shit. So we get Stewart and not Broderick. This sort of film will drive you to the Matthew Broderick fan club. I’ve already filled out the online form.
Dr. Claw (Tony Martin) has escaped from prison and has targeted Gadget, but the force has created a new generation of Gadget in G2 (Elaine Hendrix). I want to publicly apologize to Elaine Hendrix on behalf of film for this this movie. You did not deserve this. You had so much to offer and they put you as the love interest of that Home Alone 4 geek in one of the most unfunny movies since HOME ALONE 4.
They brought that fucking car back too. The biggest complaint that I had in the first one was the Gadget Mobile and they decided to bring it back but with much worse CGI this time. Actually, the CGI is much worse throughout this film, but it makes sense because everything is far worse in this sequel. If there is a hell and I go there, they will have HOME ALONE 4 and this film on a never-ending loop.
Penny (Caitlin Wachs) is doing a lot of the work to solve the Dr. Claw situation in this one and I’ll give this film credit for that. They tried to say true to the show there and they also gave Claw a voice close to the cartoon voice and hid his face. So, they did that, but this is an official sequel to the original and we already know that the fucking Dr. Claw guy looks like Robbie Rotten from LAZY TOWN. RIP Robbie Rotten. You were the man.
After fucking up over and over, Gadget is fired and has to find new jobs. Each new job has some new fuck up that is supposed to be funny, I guess, and it’s not. This film is so painful to sit through. I know it’s G rated and maybe kids might find some of it amusing, but kids like a lot of stupid unfunny shit. I still think they’d throw their blocks at the TV screen if they were forced to watch this instead of Elmo.
What the fuck was Disney thinking here? I guess they figured they could make a straight to video INSPECTOR GADGET film and it’d be rented enough to easily make back the money and who gives a fuck if it’s good. You know who gives a fuck, Walt. I do. I’m a Gadget fan and you insulted the cartoon and character that I grew up with. I know they froze Walt’s head and if they ever bring him back, I’m going to slap him across the face for this film. You’ve been warned Walt.
(Update) Walt was frozen from head to toe. I don’t know why they severed his head and saved it. It makes sense. If I was going to freeze myself with hopes to return, I’d never say “cut off my head and freeze just that.” It makes no sense.
Gadget and G2 team up to take on Claw in a finale that took forever. The minions of Claw aren’t at all funny this time. I give credit to the actors playing the roles. They tried to be silly but they had nothing to work with. They had less than nothing. They had, possibly, the worst screenplay in history to work with.
They set up a third film and as you can see, they didn’t make it. THANK GOD. All of the religious people out there that argue with your atheist friends, you got an argument that cannot be beat. If there was no god, there would be INSPECTOR GADGET 3.
OK, French Stewart, you don’t have to take every role they offer you. You didn’t have to do this to me and the other viewers. This is how you thank me for watching HOME ALONE 4? I’m going to have a hard time forgiving you.
The only positive thing I can say about this film is in regards to Elaine Hendrix and Caitlin Wachs. You both didn’t stink up the place like the others did and I saw Hendrix in that Lindsay Lohan twin movie and she was OK in that. Wachs was probably the highlight of the film, but I’m not sure that it’s a compliment.
I hate this film.
