By Geno McGahee
I used to think that you couldn’t go wrong with dogs in movies. For some reason, putting a dog as a focus in films worked, but then they had that SNOW BUDDIES shit come out and my theory was ruined. In the 2013 holiday film “HOLIDAY ROAD TRIP”, we get a dog as a focus, but it’s not the main focus, but the dog works here. Maybe my theory that dogs make good movies isn’t so fucked after all.
Maya (Ashley Scott) works for a pet supply corporation and is unlucky in love. Her boyfriend, Davis (Kip Pardue) is a total douche, but she still wants to marry him. When they go out to dinner, she is hoping that he pops the question, but he doesn’t. He is a dick that has no interest in relationships and gets a glass of wine splashed in his face for his troubles.
Max (George Hamilton) wants his son, Patrick (Patrick Muldoon), to start proving that he is the right guy to run the company when he retires. The best plan that Max can come up with is to have Patrick go cross country with their mascot dog, Scoots, and take pictures of all of his adventures. Somebody from the company needs to go and chronicle the trip and Maya quickly volunteers. Considering that the two disliked each other at work, the trip would prove to be an interesting one.
The trip is a bumpy one at first with Maya disliking Patrick and Patrick continually trying to annoy her. As they drive, Davis finds out that he’s up for a huge promotion at work, but his boss wants him to marry Maya for some reason. That puts Davis on the road trip to get her back and marry her, but damn, I’ve never seen anything like this. What boss would ever tell a guy that you have to marry somebody in order to get a raise? It was just odd.
The ice begins to melt between Maya and Patrick and it becomes obvious where the story is going, but the film has a lot of good moments and a fun atmosphere. At one point, they get stuck in a town and the mechanic will only fix their vehicle if Patrick agrees to play Santa for some old women. He agrees, but this is another weird one. I’ve never had that happen, but the way that the mechanics butt fuck you on prices, I’d gladly put on a Santa costume if that meant a free fix. The old ladies are expecting a Santa stripper and Patrick obliges, dancing and stripping for the golden girls. It was a really funny scene.
The couple begins to fall in love and every attempt Davis makes to find Maya ends with him getting his ass kicked. Pardue was good at the physical comedy and did a good job being a total dickhead, but he sort of looks like one. So, maybe it wasn’t that difficult.
On the way to the final stop, Los Angeles, Maya gets dropped off at her mom’s, Cynthia (Shelley Long), and this is where the film starts to nosedive. Shelley Long is, at best, a stage actress. She cannot act. I know her time on CHEERS was warmly received, but I give any and all credit to the director. Long is one of the shittiest actresses ever to make it to any level of note. I know they cast her because of that name value, but her performance is pure shit. The director should have worked with her more, but he was probably trying to find reasons not to kill himself after working with her.
HOLIDAY ROAD TRIP is a fun movie that leans on the Christmas holiday as a selling point, but it doesn’t really feel like a holiday movie. The cast is good, minus Long, and there is enough humor to keep the interest going. I recommend it.
