By Geno McGahee
The 1970s loved nature-based horror movies. Movies like GRIZZLY and DAY OF THE ANIMALS were popular and they could be scary. The animals in those films can kick your ass, but they had to work extra hard to try to make frogs scary. I remember watching this flick as a kid and all I remembered were frogs and some dude in a wheelchair. I assumed, considering the title, that we were just talking killer frogs, but there are a bunch of things going on here.
Pickett Smith (Sam Elliott) is riding around his canoe and taking pictures of the crazy wildlife on an island and they got some great stuff. They have komodo dragons and those can fuck things up. I used to watch the Crocodile Hunter. He always talked about those Komodo Dragons. Even if the frogs were super pissed off, what could they do? Komodos don’t need to be pissed off. They can kill you even when they are super happy.
Clint (Adam Roarke) and his sister Karen (Joan van Ark) are cruising around the lake on their speedboat and almost hit Smith, flipping him over and probably ruining all of his camera equipment. I can’t imagine the camera and film surviving that murky lake. They bring him on the boat and the siblings really want their new friend to like them, but Smith isn’t so quick to be nice. Remarkably, Clint is the one really trying to win him over, noting that “my name is Clint, if you want to know.” Perhaps he really feels bad about knocking Smith into the water or maybe he thinks he’s cute. Hard to say.
Clint and Karen come from a very wealthy family. They have a mansion on the island and the old guy in the wheelchair, Jason (Ray Milland), and he is a total dickhead. That is a common thing in movies. The rich old guy is a total cocksucker every time. They are always miserable, but I can sort of get it with Jason. He is in a wheelchair and he’s on an island and it’s tough to get around on an island when you’re in that condition.
Smith arrives and immediately notices the amount of frogs and just how aggressive they are. They aren’t kicking anyone’s ass, but they are really trying to get into the house. I think the general idea is that the frogs are sort of in control of the overall thoughts of the other animals, which is strange. Why would a komodo dragon, rattlesnake or alligator listen to a frog, unless the frog was really well-spoken, or if they think it’s a prince that just needs a kiss.
Jason is a total dick but he is trying to maintain the support of Smith. It makes sense because Smith is an environmental guy that could report him and give it to him right in the ass for all the shit his company is doing. Jason didn’t get rich by being a fuckhead. He knows whose knob to shine and Smith is rather receptive at first. Having an old rich friend in a wheelchair is cool. It’s cool in my opinion at least.
The only person that doesn’t kiss the ass of Jason is Clint’s wife, Jenny (Lynn Borden). She wants to take a frog and shove it up his ass, but Clint keeps her quiet and does not stick up for her. He is waiting for the old guy to die so he can cash in. Jason is a dick to mostly everyone there, but it just seems that he targets Jenny. She should have flipped him out of that wheelchair, right into a pit of pissed off frogs.
The more Smith investigates the island, the more he starts drawing some controversial conclusions, including the idea that nature is fighting back. When he finds a dead body, it re-enforces the idea, but Jason won’t have it. He mocks Smith, noting that the “frogs are conspiring” and that the “snails are now as smart as man.” I have to admit. I started liking the old guy as this point. I would have the same approach. I get frogs in my backyard from time to time and if my neighbor said “Geno, the frogs are getting smarter and want to kill you and everyone else and they are telling the squirrels what to do also,” I would laugh right in his fat face.
We have some amazing deaths in this film. Freaking amazing stuff. One poor guy falls into a tarantula pit and they just keep falling on him. He screams and screams and one actually falls into his mouth. He spits the furry bugger out, but it must have been a strange experience for the spider. Another guy gets attacked by snakes and just screams a great scream as they bite him in the ass. We have a turtle attack, a gecko attack and an alligator attack. Shit got real here.
With dead bodies everywhere, the survivors plan to leave the island, but not Jason. He is staying. He’s not afraid of frogs, but he should have been. As the group tries to get to safety, the grogs invade the house and show the old bastard how they can fuck shit up. Jason’s attempt to use the phone was hilarious. He kept saying “it can’t be dead.”
FROGS is an awesome movie. It’s over the top 1970’s goodness. I highly recommend this one.
Rating: 8/10
