By Melissa Antoinette Garza
As a horror fan, Jason Voorhees is an icon to me. I actually have a cardboard standup of him and Freddy Krueger in my house right in front of a Rocky Horror Picture Show poster. I’m not saying that every Friday the 13th is great. They are all better than the awful Michael Bay reimagining, but some are pretty bad.
Many say that Friday the 13th A New Beginning is dreadful. They argue that the film is horrible in nearly every way. The fact that Jason Voorhees isn’t the killer offends many. It’s sort of the same feeling people have about Halloween III. It has nothing to do with the rest of the series. Michael Myers is only in it on a trailer for Halloween as a character is watching TV. Still, I think that Halloween III is a great film and had people not expected Myers when going into the movie, I think it would have a better reputation among the horror community.
Admittedly, the absence of Voorhees isn’t the only issue. The lead character, Tommy Jarvis (John Shepherd) has less than 30 words in the whole production. The kills are more than disappointing. They’re too quick and not imaginative enough. This may be because of the MPAA. In 1985 they ordered 16 scenes within the film to be edited to acquire an R rating. So, I have to give them a pass on the murders and put the blame where it belongs. I think the members of the Motion Picture Association of America who made this judgment are going to have a lot of explaining to do when they meet their maker. I have it on good authority that the man upstairs LOVES horror films.
People poke fun of the characters and their lack of development. They claim that the plot has so many holes and makes little sense. Basically, they dismiss the movie as trash.
Okay, so the movie has some problems. I openly admit that the film is bad…but I LOVE it. It’s one of those movies that is so bad it’s good. It’s sort of like 88 Minutes. It makes no sense and is absolutely insane. It’s a crazy rollercoaster filled with attempted surprises and finger-pointing at everyone, but I’m buckled in and ready for the ride.
So, the film opens up with a flashback to the previous film. Tommy was much younger and played by Corey Feldman. I had the biggest crush on Corey Feldman when I was a kid. I really wish they would make another real Friday the 13th with Corey reprising the role as Tommy.
Nonetheless, when the flashback ends we see that Tommy is much older and is being brought to a very strange center/institution/teenage hangout. This institution allows Tommy to carry a knife and have super scary masks. They also allow Vic (Mark Venturini), a patient who has violent tendencies, to chop wood with an axe. That was a big mistake because he got pissed off at Joey (Dominick Brascia), a mentally challenged orphan and kills him.
The paramedics and police come. They throw a sheet over Joey which gets ridiculously covered in blood. Seriously when you watch the movie next time look at how much blood is on the sheet. It’s insane. The police arrest Vic as all the troubled and mentally challenged teenagers are watching.
Now this facility, whatever it is, is the most inefficient place and has the most incompetent staff I’ve ever seen. First, the leaders are practically never around. There are both girls and boys in the same place and they’re allowed free time alone without any supervision. Remember, these are troubled kids and they’re allowed to do whatever they want whenever they want.
The facility is never fully explained. There are never any therapy sessions or anything to indicate that these kids have something pushing them to get well.
Soon, all the teenagers start getting killed. The movie points the finger at practically everyone in the film. What is very strange is as soon as the film says, “hey, this guy may be the killer” they immediately kill them off. For some reason they really don’t show the killer dressed like Jason until the end. The best part is that the real killer is so obvious. I’m going to give it away so there is a spoiler below, but considering this movie came out nearly 30 years ago, I think I’m safe.
The paramedic that came to the scene is actually Joey’s father. He never had anything to do with his son and Joey had no idea who he was. After Joey died, the paramedic went crazy. There’s no indication that he killed Vic but he murdered everyone else who was in the vicinity of the facility.
Once he’s stopped by Jarvis and company, the greatest thing ever on screen happens. In his wallet, he has a picture of himself and a picture of Joey. Now, that’s cool. The picture of Joey is recent and considering he had nothing to do with his kid, it’s strange, but okay. I can buy that. What is the most awesome thing in the world is the newspaper clippings he had kept with him. They were all of Jason Voorhees. One of them is from the day that Jason died and here’s the awesome part – there’s a huge picture of Jason on the newspaper. Where did it come from? Did Jason pose for the picture? Was it his license photo? Did someone sneak up, take his picture and live to tell about it? I want answers! It’s hilarious and ridiculous.
As ridiculous is after Tommy helps kill the paramedic, he starts seeing Jason. He goes crazy, puts on a mask and grabs a knife.
The End…. .Now people actually dislike this film. It’s fantastic. Does it feel like a Friday the 13th? No, it doesn’t. It feels like a really bad whodunit, but still it’s great. There are amazing moments that are hilarious. There are things like obvious body doubles during fight scenes and bodies being moved from one bed to another without reason. Even the mask didn’t fit the killer correctly. It was far too big.
It’s just a really fun film. Is it scary? Hell no. Is it funny? Yeah. One has to really appreciate something that is so awful to really enjoy this movie and this one I could watch 100 times.
Scared Stiff Rating: 6.5/10
