Reviewed by Geno McGahee
I really wanted to like this movie. Unlike the remake of THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, I wasn’t offended going in. The FRIDAY THE 13TH series has been relatively weak overall and a new start to the series isn’t a bad idea all together. I like Jason Voorhees and if the script and story are good, then it can be a lot of fun. That’s what Jason was about, really…fun. When Jason fans watch the films, they are not terrified. They are amused and with good reason. It’s fun and the movies aren’t taken too seriously, but in the 2009 “re-imagining” that Michael Bay has got his claws into it just like he did with THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, we are treated to a boring, dark, and empty flick. Why does this asshole get a chance to ruin everyone’s movie-going experience? We have a bad script, story, and the most important element has been removed: the fun factor.
We begin with a group of kids camping in the woods. Two of them are in search of a marijuana patch, and they find it, but they also find Jason Voorhees (Derek Mears). Of course, he goes on a killing spree, killing these forgettable characters with relative ease. I have to give Mears credit. He played a good Jason. I was impressed with the mannerisms and the fact that he was quick. I did have some issues with the new intelligence of Jason. The Voorhees boy that I know is an idiot, but a very good killing machine. He is not a guy that would think of hanging a girl from a tree upside down over a fire to burn alive. He doesn’t have the patience for that.
Now we have a new group of kids traveling over to “Camp Crystal Lake” for a good time. We have the asshole, Trent (Travis Van Winkle), his girlfriend, Jenna (Danielle Panabaker), and a bunch of other characters that really deserve no mention. All of the characters are totally empty and it’s very hard to care if they live or die. There is no depth to them at all…and although Van Winkle and Panabaker can carry themselves well, they have zero to work with. We also have the addition of Clay Miller (Jared Padalecki), the brother of one of the initial victims, searching for his lost sister. Jenna gets the hots for him, while Trent gets the hots for another girl, although he is still a possessive asshole…but it’s all really filler because this entire movie blows. I don’t mind a movie that doesn’t show its hand until the end. I loved THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT where you didn’t see anything until the very end, and even then, you didn’t see much. This movie could not rely on the script to entertain people and should have just put Jason on the screen for the full 90 minutes.
I’m so sick of Michael Bay. I thought TRANSFORMERS sucked major dick and then he turns out THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, and now this. How difficult is it to make a Jason film? Apparently for Bay and his crew, it’s impossible. This film looks just like the 2003 version of TCM and plays out much the same way. It’s dark and mindless. I can’t believe that I saw some glimmer of hope for this film in the beginning.
The emphasis of this movie seemed to have been on the kills and to make it as serious as possible, but the F13th films gained their popularity because they were fun. I think that there was the potential to win over fans with a serious horror film featuring Voorhees, but it had to be a good movie and not this steaming pile of crap that was unleashed on the public. Even when Jason came out to kill, it was boring. There were some scenes taken directly out of other Jason films, but I doubt many fans of the original movies made it to the ending to see them.
Michael Bay needs to stay far far away from horror from this point on. Make your TRANSFORMERS movies and jack off, but horror is not for you. This was a horrible movie that was not written well at all. It is even worse than THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake, if you can believe that. It doesn’t feel like a Jason film and it doesn’t present anything compelling to win the audience over. It’s just bad people. I hope that we don’t see a sequel but considering that it made money, we probably will…and you know Michael Bay. He will milk it dry, as he did the TCM. Do you know what’s amazing? Michael Bay has not made been associated with one quality movie yet, but he still stays in the mix. He must have made a deal with the devil.
Scared Stiff Ranking: 2/10. Michael Bay does it again.
I agree that this remake was awful. I sat through it and I was bored and irritated by the terrible characters. I hated them on sight and they were so annoying that I was glad when they got killed. The old Friday the 13th movies were great fun and even though they followed the same fomula, they always left you feeling satisfied. This movie was a mess and it just proves that you shouldn’t remake the classic.