By Melissa Antoinette Garza
Admittedly, I have mixed feelings about Andy Warhol. Sometimes I view him as the Andy Kaufman of the art world and I find myself respecting him. Other times I just see a pretentious nihilist who rebelled against members of his same ilk for profit. Whatever the case, his desire to take advantage of the elites forever solidified him a spot among them.
FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (1973) or as it’s otherwise known ANDY WARHOL’S FRANKENSTEIN is among my favorite of all things associated with him.
Here the sexy Baron von Frankenstein (Udo Kier) is working on a new project. He is married to his sister Katrin (Monique van Vooren) and the two have young children, a daughter Monica (Nicoletta Elmi) and a son named Erik (Marco Liofredi). Katrin pulls both children out of school when she finds out that people are talking about her. She tells the kids that they spread lies and that the townspeople are jealous. Over dinner, the married couple sit on opposite sides of the table and bicker.
The Baron wants her to put the kids back in school, but she refuses. She also irritates him by insulting their parents. Katrin is a bit uptight, but she’s assertive and in control. She’s a force to be reckoned with, but she definitely crosses into bitch territory – partially because she’s so sexually unsatisfied. That said, the duo are siblings and married so there’s a whole lot of baggage there, better left unpacked.
The Baron willfully oblivious to most of his wife’s activities, is looking to start a new race that does his bidding. He is near complete with his female monster (Dalila Di Lazzaro) before seeking out a male to operate on. He decides to venture to a bordello to find a suitable companion for her so that they may mate and make children.
He tells his assistant Otto (Arno Jürging) that he had gone to a whorehouse once in college and it didn’t live up to his expectations. He found the women over-developed and thought their movements were revolting rather than enticing. Still,he thinks he may be able to locate a virile specimen ready to party with a fem monster.
Sacha (Srdjan Zelenovic) who wants to be a monk is convinced to go bed some hookers at a brothel by his well-meaning friend Nicholas (Joe Dallesandro). Nicholas is also the stable-boy for the Frankenstein household and he really likes sex. He gets caught with a lady by a very angry Katrin who demands he meet her the next day in her bedroom.
Before that though, the boys head out to get some action. At the cathouse, Sacha and Nick are greeted by three prostitutes. Nick jumps right into bed with two of them, but Sacha just sits and watches his friend have fun. A sexy blonde (Imelde Mariani) does her best and tries to rev him up, but the boy is just not interested.
Soon, the girls sexing up Nick run out the house naked after being momentarily spooked. Sacha goes outside and tells the gals it’s safe to come back in, but the Baron and Otto misunderstand. They think Sacha is a stud that just bedded two bombshells and determine he’s perfect to be their new creation. The duo attack and decapitate him in a hilarious scene that spits in the face of virgin survival.
At home, Nick goes to have his one-on-one, work performance review with Mrs. Frankenstein, but attempts to quit instead. Seeing his friend’s headless body, didn’t sit that well with him. He tells the Baroness about finding the remains after waking up from being hit over the head. Rather than go to the police, he buried the body. The Baroness convinces him that he’s safest there. She has ulterior motives that have nothing to do with piety or protecting him. She tells him she’s lonely and that her marriage is in name only. She wants a strong man and she thinks Nicholas is strong. He’s not my type, but anything that gets her away from her brother is Aces with me. Hit it hard and fast, baby. Go crazy!
While, Nick and Katrin are sweating up the sheets and getting their kicks, the Baron begins having some kicks of his own while Otto gets a front row seat. The Baron caresses and slices open the female monster and, to his credit, he is great with a pair of sutures. He touches her organs and brings himself to climax by touching its liver.
He then climbs on top of her and makes love to her gallbladder ordering Otto to turn around, but kindly allowing him to stay in the room. Rather than just admitting he has some unusual appetites, he tells his assistant “To know death Otto, you must fuck life in the gallbladder.”
Oh Baron-Honey, of course that’s why you did it! Who has the most scientific erection in the universe? Is it Baron von Frankenstein cuz I think that it is!
Still, you know what they say, “If you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.” When people say that to me, I like to imagine that they are thinking of Baron Frankenstein nailing a gallbladder. What? Is that weird? Did I make things weird again? This is why I always fail at motivating employees!
Moving on, Nick becomes the manservant to the household and notices that the male monster has a striking resemblance to his old friend. You can’t get anything by good ol’ Nick!
The manservant (I do love that word) doesn’t confront the Baron, but later talks to Katrin about it. He tells her that he’s certain Sacha’s head has been put on a different body. She tells him that she knows very little about the Baron’s experiments, but that snooping around is not a good idea. It is during that exact moment, the Frankenstein children have decided to snoop around.
Things really go awry when the female creature is destroyed in a violent sex act with Otto and that’s not even his first sex act casualty. The poor maid Olga (Liù Bosisio) was fatally attacked by the little guy. We really need to monitor home-school sex-ed curriculum. Otto had a horrible teacher!
The conclusion is crazy and screwed up like most films that I enjoy, but if you crave the unusual this is up your alley. It’s fun, campy, self-aware and a self-deprecating flick that remembers to stay daring enough to push the envelope.
Currently, a few copies of this are hiding on YOUTUBE both in English and French. Otherwise, rake thru your DVD collection or pony up the dough to buy it.
Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10
