By Polly “News” Hughes
OMG. Did y’all see what they did to my friend, Ellen DeGeneres? I cry when I think that I may never get to see her dance again. It’s so entertaining. Just like when she danced with Michelle Obama. Remember that? Michelle had a bulge. Was it a dick? Maybe. Maybe it was spanks. But damn, that looked like a dick.
Anyway, when I heard this terrible news, I called my friend, Ellen DeGeneres and she said the following:
“Polly, did you see that bulge on Michelle? Whoa. Nearly slapped me in the face. Anyway, I can’t believe that these jerks are spreading these lies about me. I NEVER NEVER NEVER died. I got too much to live for. I’m not going to die like some chump. I got plenty more moves to show on my show as I do the dance that shakes my lady parts to the tunes of Katy Perry as the crowd erupts. So let your trillion fans know that I’m alive and well.”
(May not be the comments of Ellen DeGeneres)
