By Melissa Antoinette Garza
EARTH GIRLS ARE EASY (1988) is a strange rare breed that set out to be a cult film and succeeded wonderfully. It’s like THE BURBS (1989) in that respect. It has aliens, comedy, music, and Jeff Fucking Goldblum!
The film begins with three furry aliens Mac (Jeff Goldblum), Wiploc (Jim Carrey) and Zeebo (Damon Wayans) in their spaceship. They crash land in the swimming pool of Valerie (Geena Davis).
Poor Val is very vanilla. She’s engaged to Ted (Charles Rocket) a cheating louse who refuses to sex it up at home with Val. What a dick! She is begging for it and he gives her the ol’ “I’m a doctor and have to take a gallbladder out in the morning.” Like that can’t wait! Screw you, toolbox. Val’s gonna go screw an alien, now.
Before she meets and hooks up with Mac, she tries to spice up her relationship. She goes to her best friend Candy Pink (Julie Brown) who gives her a gorgeous make-over. She tries all different styles, but settles on a blonde bombshell wig and sultry pink lingerie with matching tights. Geena Davis doesn’t often go full fem, but when she does it is dynamite! Yummy!
Well, asshole Ted thinks she’s out of town and brings a woman (Diane Stilwell) to the house.Val catches them together and after the girl bolts, Val chases him out of the house in his undies. She then has a kick-ass musical number where she mourns the loss of the relationship but also calls out Ted for the jackass he is.
While trying to sunbathe and take her mind off her horrible life, the spaceship crashes in front of her. Thinking that she’s delirious she tries to swim thru it and knocks herself unconscious. Mac jumps in and saves her. He brings her aboard and when she awakes she believes that she was abducted. She begins to freak out as at first. They can’t speak English, can’t communicate with her and she doesn’t know if they want to experiment on her. They don’t and they do find ways to get their points across. They even somewhat learn the language from television. When she goes to leave the saucer, she floods the ship making it inoperable.
She decides they need to drain her pool so she take the aliens inside while her nosy old neighbor watches on. The four of them become fast friends though they do eat her fish. When Ted calls to say he’s coming by to reconcile, she brings the aliens to Candy for a makeover to make them look human.
At first Candy freaks out, but then she sees the opportunity to use her talents and that she does. The three come out and Val immediately falls hard for Mac who is all sorts of eccentric gorgeousness. The group of 5 hit the valley. They go to the dance club though Valerie wants to initially get back to Ted. She’s confused. She needs to cut that loser loose and do it up with Mac.
When she gets back Ted is there and tries to play on her sympathy. She lies and says that the aliens are a band that she won off MTV. He tries to kick them out and starts fighting with Wiploc. The cops come and Ted tries to get them to get rid of the band, but Val stays strong and kicks Ted out. She feels bad afterwards and goes to her room.
Mac doesn’t leave her alone though and it has been over 2 weeks since she had fun so they get it on wonderfully. The two were a couple in real life and it translates very well on screen with them. They have wild chemistry and for a PG-13 movie, it’s fantastic. He has a magic touch where he hits the G spot with a kiss and touch to the cheek. It’s a very psychedelic scene that you won’t be wasting THC on if you wait for it to hit and watch.
What follows is a partially black-and white nightmare that will make every sci-fi fan like myself cheer for more. Old school robots and weird aliens in 1950s style makeup and costumes plague her mind and it could not have been done better. I love it. I love it so much.
In the end, Val must decide whether to stay with boring, cheater Ted or move on up to the sky with the hot alien.
This is one of my all time faves. It’s silly. It’s a feel-good movie. It’s sexy. It’s a female led fantasy with a hot, sex toy, male alien who is happy to serve. Winner, winner, chicken dinner – sign me up!
One other thing, I just love Julie Brown. She was one of my earliest crushes and I adore her. GIRL FIGHT TONIGHT is legit one of my go-to songs. I love it. I love her.
Scared Stiff Rating: 8.5/10
