By Geno McGahee
I am a huge fan of micro-budget films, for the most part. If they are done correctly, they can be very enjoyable and you get to see a lot of heart. The 1980s seemed to be the best time for this sort of movie. The video stores were looking for film and if you could put one together and convince a distributor to pick it up, you could be seen by a lot of people. It was a good time to be a filmmaker. Watching the 1989 horror anthology “CREEPTALES”, I can imagine this being on the shelves, on VHS, and becoming part of my Friday night entertainment when I was young. It is low budget, but it has a certain charm. I’ve seen some compare it to TALES FROM THE CRYPT, but the closest comparison that I can make is the Troma film “CHILLERS.”
So we begin with two monsters bringing a horror movie to a monster party. This is the wraparound tale and it’s rather meaningless. This is similar to the anthology “SCREAMTIME” where some no-gooders steal some tapes from the video store and each represents a different tale. That one was done much better, but the wraparound is similar. The monsters are rather stupid and just laugh at everything. I think this was the comic relief for the film, but the movie isn’t scary. It reminded me of MONSTERS, that old TV show from the 80s. OK, I know, I’m comparing this movie to about fifteen other movies and I’m only in the second paragraph. I’ll stop. Sorry.
WARPED
Written by Jeff Copeland and Roger Nygard, WARPED is a rather good tale in this anthology. It was directed by Nygard who has gone on to do some notable work, including TREKKIES, and despite the silliness of this anthology as a whole, I’m pretty sure he’s not embarrassed by his work with WARPED.
Elizabeth (Jennifer Barlow) was just released from the hospital and goes to stay with her Aunt Viola (Frances Marshall), but there is tension immediately. There is a family secret and plenty of dirty laundry. Although the reunion is friendly at first, it’s easy to see that Viola isn’t right and that her mother, Grace (Kay Bonner Nee) is even worse off. At one point, she screams like a baby at the kitchen table. It is a very funny moment in this tale and seemed excessive…which is why it was so funny.
After some investigating, Elizabeth discovers what Viola is hiding and the fight is on, leading to a captive situation. With Elizabeth tied to the bed, Viola now has everything under control, until the 400-plus pound police officer (Scott Hanson) shows up. It’s a small town. So maybe they have no issue with their police being morbidly obese, but I noticed he was wearing white sneakers and that has to be against the rules. Aren’t the police supposed to wear black shoes? Whatever the case, this guy is not going to catch any bad guys unless they stand still.
Viola desperately tries to get rid of the cop but he hears Elizabeth crying. He waddles up to the room and in another notable moment, he runs at the door and breaks through it. It’s hilarious to watch him crash through the door like that. Elizabeth escapes, but the hunt is on.
I liked WARPED. It was funny at times and the actors involved knew how to play the roles. It was silly and over the top but a good way to start this flick. I would rate it a 6.5/10
SNATCHER
Snatcher is written and directed by Tim Boxwell and I have to give him more credit for his directing than his writing on this one. His directing was superb. It should be noted that he is directing Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants, but here, he plays a punk that steals purses.
The tale is very short, but the Snatcher (Kenny) is on the prowl, taking purse after purse and laughing hysterically at his accomplishments. He is laughing maniacally at the fact that he got away with it. Most thieves are just looking for the money. They take the purse, rummage through it, take the money and nonchalantly go on their way, but not the Snatcher. He stands on the street and just laughs. He is a proud snatcher.
The Snatcher steals the wrong purse from an old lady that warns him that he’ll regret it. He knocks down a poor homeless guy and he finds out that there is more to the purse than he suspected.
I will admit that this tale is rather simple and short, but I found it very enjoyable. It was absurd and entertaining and that makes it good. I rate it a 6/10.
THE CLOSET
THE CLOSET is written by Stephen Hegyes and Greg Middleton. Hegyes also directs this. It’s hard to imagine a tale like this taking two writers. Jeremy (Sam Hall) is having a very hard time sleeping and believes that there is a monster hiding in his closet. He lies awake with the threat looming.
His older brother, Andy (Mark Weatherby), enters the room to get him to rest easy and have some fun at his expense as well. He is going to prove that there is no monster, but going into the closet could put him right in the path of the creature, and (spoiler) it does. The tale is so short and simple that it feels very incomplete.
It’s difficult to rate a short film like this because there is nothing to it…outside of a terrible monster costume, but that’s what you get with this sort of budget. They could have done better with the story and script though. A very mediocre tale. I would rate it a 3.5/10
GROOVY GHOULIE GARAGE
Written by James Salisbury and Phillip Salisbury and directed by James Salisbury, GROOVY GHOULIE GARAGE is a mixed bag and that may be as the result of the two writers involved. Any time that you get more than one person with their hands into a production, you are asking for trouble. Co-writing means compromise and that can easily turn into a product that is confused and not nearly as good as it could have been. Perhaps that is the case with GROOVY GHOULIE GARAGE.
Marvin (Peter Ortell) and his pal, Ed (Christopher Prestia) are on a road trip, leading right through a town called “Tower Springs.” When they mention that to some people at a small diner, they get immediately warned that it’s evil. They ignore it and push on and break down shortly after. They are picked up by a tow truck and driven over to Tower Springs for a Halloween party where they encounter a group of people and the truth about that town. This leads to one of the dumbest and unfunny conclusions to any horror flick I’ve seen.
GROOVY GHOULIE GARAGE…the title says it all. I have a sneaking suspicion that one of the writers that was behind this had a good idea and the other wanted desperately to incorporate humor, which is why it’s named that terrible name and why we see so much crap in this one. With a little more focus, it could have been something. Rating: 5/10
HOWLING NIGHTMARE
Written and directed by Steve Hegyi, HOWLING NIGHTMARE, is another tale without any real story to it. I hesitate to say it was written at all. There is very little dialogue and we just have a terrible-looking werewolf killing people. It reminded me of a scene from SILVER BULLET as the hunters desperately seek to find the werewolf to kill it.
The werewolf is revealed to be somebody that we were never introduced to, but that’s tough considering that the tale is probably less than five minutes. The hunters find him and kill him, but not before he can say “oh shit” halfway through is transformation into the wolf. This one is very forgettable and lacks any originality. Hegyi saw things he liked and emulated them but dull and not worth a watch. Rating: 3/10
SUCKER
Produced by Rod Slane, SUCKER isn’t a bad tale and seems to have the best production value out of the tales. Slane has a history of involvement with micro-budget, SOV horror that were on the shelves at the video stores in the eighties, including BLOOD CULT, REVENGE and FOREVER EVIL.
In SUCKER, Donna Duffy (Melanie Fry) is not living the life that she wants. She hates her husband and her home is a wreck. A vacuum salesman shows up and offers to give her a vacuum that will suck away evil and filth. She takes it and finds that she can clean her house quite easily, but everything she does comes with a price.
When her husband arrives home, she plans to turn the device on him, but it only works on evil things and she is now stuck in a terrible situation, leading to her demise. Why did her husband have to be bare-assed in this? That may have been the scariest part of the film.
The story was interesting and the special effects were pretty good. It was enjoyable and a good tale to end with. Rating: 6.5/10
CREEPTALES is definitely worth a watch if you have an appreciation for the low budget, SOV brand of horror films. There aren’t many scares, but there is enough here to entertain and get some amusement from. I recommend it.
Overall Rating: 5/10
