By Melissa Antoinette Garza
BLOOD FOR DRACULA (1974) aka Andy Warhol’s DRACULA, begins with the Count (Udo Kier) putting on cosmetics. One of my kicks is certainly watching a sexy gent delicately apply makeup. I often just watch a video of Klaus Nomi in front of a mirror doing the same. Admittedly, male to female androgyny gets me going. Nothing is hotter or more beautiful than when one can encompass the greatest qualities of both the feminine and masculine. If you need further proof, just look at Richard O’Brien. Even if you don’t need proof, still look. He is divine!
Here, the sexy vamp even applies jet black paint to his whitening hair. He sits in front of a mirror putting it on but has no reflection come back. I never thought of how awful that must be. Dracula is an immortal gorgeous creature, but he can even gaze upon his own beauty – never mind the bitch it must be to perfectly put on eyebrow liner. Still, Drac manages marvelously.
The Count is held up in his Transylvania castle, but he’s not doing well. He’s ill and needs the blood of a virgin to survive. His manservant, Anton (Arno Juerging) worries he won’t last but a few weeks if he stays. He encourages the vamp to go to Italy because of the surplus of Catholic virgins there and also because he believes Italians will be impressed by Drac’s title and family name. The Count reluctantly agrees as he is the first ever to leave his family and Romania. Anton accompanies him on his journey.
In Italy, Rubinia (Stefania Casini) and Saphiria (Dominique Darel) are being a bit naughty outside while working. They begin taunting their younger sister by taking off their blouses and commenting on how developed their breasts are. Young virgin and prudish Perla (Silvia Dionisio) yells for her mother La Marchesa di Fiore (Maxime McKendry) and her other sister Esmeralda (Milena Vukotic). Mommy tells the kiddies to behave and voices her disapproval.
Mario (Joe Dallesandro) who works on the estate comes over to warn the ladies that the matriarch is still watching closely. The older sisters are fearless and don’t care. Mario is a douche-bag. He has no problem fucking Rubinia and Saphiria and watching them screw each other, but doesn’t want them to frolic around openly at all. He can talk about how he wants to rape their little sister, but calls them tramps. The King of Virtue, he is not. Let it be forever known that I loathe Mario and all others like him. He sucks.
That said, I do have a huge crush on Anton. Anton is a yummy delight! In one scene, he tells Mario right off. When he does, I just want someone to put a whip in his hand. Mario needs a little domination and I wouldn’t mind watching Anton dish it out. I don’t know whether Anton likes the ladies or the gents, but I just want to watch him have some sexy fun. Something tells me he’d be giving all sorts of kinky directives, unless he partied with The Count – then he might be taking some. Either way, I want a front row seat to see some assertive manservant action.
Wait…was I doing something? Oh, yeah – the review – I’m sorry.
So, Drac and Anton go to an inn and rent a room. Yummy, yummy Anton does the talking. He says that the Count is a lovelorn nobleman who lost his first wife and needs another. A townsman (Gil Cagne)claims that the virgins are a plenty and suggests the three youngest Di Fiore girls. Surely, they are all virgins, as long as screwing the hired hand Mario doesn’t count. Oh, it counts? Well, one out of three isn’t bad then! Prudish Perla it is.
Patriarch of the clan, Il Marchese Di Fiore (Vittorio De Sica) is blind to Rubinia and Saphiria’s sexcapades. He also isn’t initially as invested in marrying off his girls, but his wife feels differently. She’s sick of losing her servants and doing all the household work. She wants the green and is more than willing to offer up any one of the gals to Drac. Marchese jumps on board and swears to Anton that all of his daughters are untouched and pure.
The Di Fiore duo invite Drac and Anton to stay in their home. Anton tells them that the Count is in Italy for a funeral and has brought the coffin with him as to not raise any suspicions. He promises to return there, but first goes to a tavern and asks some men about the family. One of the men (Roman Polanski) reels him in on a weird game of copycat for money. The men get into a fight when a young girl is hit by a car and dying in the streets. Anton grabs some bread and pretends to faint in effort to soak up the blood. He returns and gives it to the vamp who sucks and eats it out of the bread. This allows Drac to feel well enough to go to the Di Fiore’s house.
He is introduced to the sisters before returning to his own room with Anton. Why can’t those two men just have a little fun together – just a small taste? Please!
Speaking of a small taste, Saphiria is sent to bring up Drac’s vegetarian meal to him. There he does an impromptu interview with her. He sends Anton out of the room and tries to get her to admit she’s not a virgin. He claims to want his wife to know how to be a good lover, but Saphiria secretly doesn’t want to marry the Count. She lies and insists she’s never slept with anyone. Desperate for virgin blood, he drains her, and after momentary ecstasy goes green and gets violently ill. Poor Drac – that damn woman lied to him! Every time, he ends up taking the blood from a woman that has had sex, it makes his illness worse and turns them into a vamp slave.
Enter Rubinia. Rubinia is more into Drac than Saphiria had been. She flirts with him and enjoys the prospect of being a rich bride with her own room and no kids, like the Count’s first wife had been. She notices he has no reflection and flips out. He drains her of blood, moving against her and bringing himself to an apex when he does. Still, once again – he becomes horribly sick.
They’re about to leave, when it is discovered that Perla is a virgin. Perla is only 14, but the actress was in her 20s and appears so. Thankfully, that eliminates quite a bit of creep factor that would have applied otherwise. The mother wisely insists that Perla is too young to marry, but when Mario finds out that Drac’s a vamp out for virgins, he decides to rape her. What a scumbag! I hate that dude.
Drac, not one to be defeated, takes up with the eldest sister who is actually a virgin. This puts him back in full vamp form and makes him a force to be reckoned with. It becomes a fight to the death between the rapist and the vamp.
The conclusion works for the story, but it pisses me off so much. Just seriously, fuck Mario!
This film is a fun one. It’s in your face and though not as self-aware or gratuitous as FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (1973) still delivers on all fronts. It’s campy, crazy and quite hysterical at times. Still, it’s focused and weaves a compelling vamp tale that is equal parts sex and gore.
Currently, this is on YOUTUBE so you can catch it there. Other than that, CONtv is the only streaming site via AMAZON it’s currently offered under that I see. All that said, it is worth owning.
Scared Stiff Rating: 7.5/10
