By Geno McGahee
I’m not a fan of superhero movies for the most part, but I’m a fan of Batman. I like the idea of a rich guy that had gadgets and fucks people up. When it comes to superheroes, the films involving Batman are the most compelling. THE DARK KNIGHT series was amazing and even though I’m not a fan of the Tim Burton BATMAN movies, I respect the efforts and understand why it was so popular.
With Tim Burton had two hits with the first two Batman movies, he was booted and they brought in Joel Schumacher to do the follow up sequels. It wasn’t a good match and I don’t blame Schumacher totally. He was directed to make it more family friendly and with the 1997 film BATMAN AND ROBIN, he went full 1960s TV show theme and it did not work at all.
Batman (George Clooney) and Robin (Chris O’Donnell) begin the film showing off their bat asses to the camera. They just pan up and down on their costumes as they get ready and then quickly shift to their asses. The designer of the bat ass for those skin tight rubber suits must have been very proud of it. I just found it a bit much. A bit much ass.
The new villain and highlight of the film is Mr. Freeze, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger. The writing is terrible but Arnie does his best to make it work and it seems he is having fun. When Batman hears of Freeze fucking shit up at a museum or something, he goes into action and we see the exact tone that this movie is going for. It is not serious or dark. It is for kids and it is goofy. This film is so much for kids that they explain everything that they are doing and why they are doing it. It was really tough to get through the villains of this film telling the audience what and why and how they are going to do things. I think that the audience could have figure out what the fuck was going on.
Along with Freeze, Poison Ivy (Uma Thurman), has to be contended with and she has a big stupid idiot henchman, Bane (Jeep Swensen), as well. Throughout the film, Ivy uses her secret mist to blow into the faces of men to give them never-ending hard ons. This causes a rift between Batman and Robin. Robin wants to be independent and get girls. Batman is trying to advise him the best that he can. This seems to be drama just to be drama. It didn’t add anything to the movie.
I’ll give some points to Thurman. She tried to make it work and did her best. Outside of Arnie, she did the best. She was given pure shit to work with, but she tried to make it work. When she was in the scene, I found myself not hating this movie nearly as much as I was as I watched it.
The casting of this film is not good when it comes to the superheroes. George Clooney was a terrible Batman and probably the worst that has ever worn the costume. He always has that fucking “I clogged the toilet” smirk on his face and his delivery is shit in this. Chris O’Donnell as Robin is terrible as well. Not one line is delivered in a believable way. It’s tough to get through the scenes when it’s just Batman and Robin.
With so many villains, the superheroes get an addition in Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone). I liked Silverstone in THE CRUSH, but I cannot think of any other movie she was in that I liked. Maybe she was bad in that too and I only liked it for THE PRINCESS BRIDE guy, but then again, I hated THE PRINCESS BRIDE. Maybe it was just a good movie. Considering my love of TO CATCH A PREDATOR, it’s no wonder why I liked THE CRUSH.
The villains team up and the heroes team up, leading to a showdown. I found it amusing when Batman didn’t realize who Batgirl was. She was wearing a very small mask over her eyes and it was enough to make her unrecognizable to Batman. He really is useless. By the way, when Silverstone turned into Batgirl, the focus wasn’t just on the bat ass, but also, the bat tits. I wonder if the creator of the suits did things to the suits. You know what I mean. I hope he didn’t, but these suits were pretty sexualized. I’m surprised they didn’t have a strap on dildo.
BATMAN AND ROBIN is fucking terrible. The writing is terrible and had no respect for the audience. They spelled everything out in every scene. The characters, even alone, would tell the audience what they are doing in specifics. Mr. Freeze will tell you what he is doing, when, how and why, in every scene.
What a shit show this is. It deserves the reputation that is has received. It’s nearly unwatchable, but Arnie and Uma tried to make it work.
