By James Witherspoon
Yo, check this out. I was walking around when this little old lady came up to me and said “is that you James?” She was my biggest fan and her name was Ginger Donning. We spent some time talking about those soy boys that grew titties because they drink so much soy. Really? Really? YA HEARD!
Now, we also talked about beta males and EBT warriors, but then she shocked me. The old bird was abducted by aliens and wanted to tell her story. Here is her story, which I believe, which is 100% true. YA HEARD!
“I was minding my own business, watching a noir film while I was in Manhattan and was with my gentleman friend, who looked a great deal like Leonard Nemoy’s son. Well, I got dropped off at home and could not believe the light in the sky. I was taken aboard a ship and saw these little gray aliens and they grabbed my ass! The little fuck touched me! I screamed HOLD IT RIGHT THERE YOUNG MAN and then stole their wallets for evidence that this happened. Unfortunately, they took them back and put me back on earth. Phone home? More like bone home.”
For those waiting for proof of alien existence, it doesn’t get any better than this.