By James Witherspoon
I have sat back for years and watched as the WWE shat out the same crap every week without any direction. Y’all know I was there for the Monday Night Wars with WCW and they had it right back then, but then the soy boy, cellar dweller, EBT card warriors took over and they’ve lost their way. It’s costing them now boys. It’s costing them now.
The WWE is losing viewers by the thousands daily and the people have been calling for a new force to come along and challenge. Impact tried, but they had too many shifts in management and paid for it. All seemed lost, but All Elite Wrestling, headed up by my good friend, Cody Rhodes, is ready to take down the pro wrestling titan and bring back the game the way it should be.
They will be announcing soon that they struck a deal with TNT to show on Tuesday Nights, but the plan is to restart the Monday Night Wars, but this time, to do it right. I usually keep my sources secret, but this source will not be silenced. You all knew him in the 1980s as one of the most popular wrestlers. It’s none other than Clive “Buttplug” Pluggerson and here’s what he has to say:
“Where’s the Honky Tonk Man brother? He still shaking that fat ass of his? You want a scaffold match brother? Call PN News brother and I’ll meet him any time of the week or get that Juicer in there. Oh right…the Juicer died, didn’t he? Wasn’t he a molester creep too? Like that Rock and Roll Buck Zumhofe. I regret ever stepping into the ring with that pervert in the 80s. I should have dropped the Buttplug Plunge on him for real. Now, you want the scoop? My boys at AEW hit me up and told me that it’s a done deal and that they will be heading to Tuesdays on TNT and Vince McMahon is shitting in his pants. They even asked me to strap up the boots again, but I’m not coming back until they set up a match between me and Stone Cold. I’m not afraid of the stunner, but are you afraid of the buttlplug Austin? Whatcha gonna do when the buttplug shakes up in you?”
A big thank you to Pluggerson for his input and inside scoop.
