By Geno McGahee
Made for TV films from the 80s are typically awesome, or at least fun. In the 1988 “A STONING IN FULHAM COUNTY”, we have a unique one that has many notable things. Ron Perlman stars as a god-fearing Amish guy named “Jacob”. As most of you know, he’s also HELLBOY. In HELLBOY, the effects were much better. Immediately, it was obvious that the budget for this film wasn’t that high. The fake beards that they put on the actors portraying the Amish people were terrible. They should have put in a line “we Amish that cannot grow a beard go to Halloween outlet so that we can please our lord.” That would have explained the obviously fake beards.
Jacob is out with his family on the road in his horse and buggy when this group of kids drives by in a pickup truck and start throwing rocks at them. Jacob’s young child dies from the impact of one of the rocks and now a new prosecutor, Jim Sandler (Ken Olin), wants to bring the boys to justice. This doesn’t go over well. The Amish have been a target of the community for a while and they don’t want their young promising children locked up over the death of an Amish child. The town is so full of assholes that when Jacob goes out to purchase a saw from the hardware store, a complete bitch is honking her horn behind his horse and buggy. How fucking fast can that thing go? You have to be a real piece of crap to honk at a guy using a horse and buggy to get around.
Only one of the kids has any remorse and that’s Teddy Johnson (Brad Pitt). When he goes to visit Jacob to apologize, Jacob isn’t pleased. He wants to kick the shit out of him, but he is a religious man and he will wait patiently for God to strike him down. On top of being irked by Teddy, Jacob is dealing with Jim demanding his testimony and his wife, Sarah (Maureen Mueller), wants his Amish junk. Perlman does a great job in this role but that damn fake beard is so distracting.
The boys accused have a sleazy lawyer, Baxter (Nicholas Pryor), with a great winning record in court and is pulling out all stops to get them off. Jim’s wife is putting pressure on him to not pursue the case anymore because of the public’s reaction and how it will impact their lives. The accused are going to get away with the murder unless Jacob and the family will testify. The religion thing is stopping them. “God needs to punish them…not Bubba in prison.” That may have been a line from this film. Maybe it’s not. I heard it somewhere.
After more pleas, Jacob finally relents and shows up in court. I know that they all dress Amish, but this is court. Dress less Amish. Whatever the case, they got there and look those teens right in the face, including the one with the pedo mustache. That guy with that damn pedo mustache needed to be locked up. I think he does more than throw rocks. He looks like a sleaze.
Against all odds, a guilty verdict comes in and Jacob jumps up, screaming “Vengeance is mine says Bubba!” Jim rejoices and his wife gives him a big smooch. Remarkably, there is no prison time for the boys. What the hell is up with that? They should have been locked up for at least 5 years for killing a child, even if it was an accident. Jacob wasted his time going to court, despite the celebration and note that no other Amish family was harassed after that. They weren’t harassed because they saw Jacob’s expression when he came into court that day. He was like “Fuck with me again and I’m raising hell, boy.”
A STONING IN FULHAM COUNTY is a good made for TV movie. Perlman is a great actor and showed his skills again here, despite the fake beard. Fake beards aren’t a deal breaker. I highly recommend this.
Rating: 6.5/10
