By Geno McGahee
One of the most popular stories around the holiday season is A CHRISTMAS CAROL. It has been made into several films and has impacted a lot of holiday television specials. When it comes to telling this story on film, most people point to the 1984 George C. Scott version as the best. Well, I haven’t seen it since I was a youngster and I decided to check it out and see if it lives up to the hype.
You can’t go wrong with George C. Scott. He is awesome in everything he is in and this is no exception. Actually, he might shine the brightest. Now that I think about it, I wasn’t a fan of his performance in the 1997 TV version of 12 ANGRY MEN. I don’t really blame him. You can’t act well if you have to hang out with Tony Danza.
Ebenezer Scrooge (Scott) is a businessman and he does not dig Christmas at all. He’s not happy with his employee, Bob Cratchit (David Warner). He is the boss. He can’t handle his employees dicking off and that happens all the time around the holiday.
After doing his job and trying to get home to relax, Scrooge starts hearing the voice of his old partner Jacob Marley (Frank Finlay) and why the fuck is he talking like that? Ebeneeeeeeeeezerrrr Scrooooooooooooooge…. It would irritate the fuck out of me if somebody spoke like that and I had to work with them. I guess they were trying to make him scarier, but it didn’t work.
At home, locks become unlocked and doors open and in walks Marley wrapped in chains. Scrooge immediately accepts him as a ghost and asks him what he wants. He opens his mouth wide for some reason. You see a dude in chains with a mouth wide open and eyes bugging out and breaking into your house, run…
There is no question that Scrooge believes in ghosts. He knows Marley is a ghost right away. If he lived now, he’d be one of those assholes with gadgets that walk around houses and look for ghosts. You don’t find ghosts with gadgets. Ghosts find you. This movie proves it. You just walk around and wait to hear your name spoken like Ebeneeeeeeeeezerrrr Scrooooooooooooooge.
I don’t know if the term “humbug” means bullshit or fuck you. I like to think that it can be used either way. I guess it could mean “take a spoon and eat my ass you prick,” but the characters in this film seem way too proper to even think such things.
I don’t get why Marley is visiting Scrooge. The poor dude has to carry around chains and heavy boxes and has to wrap something around his head to keep his mouth shut. I guess bad things happen to people in hell from bullies if his mouth is stuck permanently open.
Scrooge tells Marley to take a spoon and eat his ass but that sends Marley into a rage. It scares the living fuck out of Scrooge and he’s ready to wheel and deal, which really makes him out to be a coward. There is no way you can’t outrun Marley considering all those chains he’s carrying around.
The first of three spirits show up and Scrooge asks her “are you the spirit that I was told of?” Who the fuck did he think she was? She floated in as smoke filled up the room. The Ghost of Christmas Past (Angela Pleasence) brings Scrooge back to a time when he looked like Jeff Daniels from DUMB & DUMBER. Most of the point is that Scrooge is a grump because his dad was a stupid prick. His dad was a prick. F him.
The second ghost is a strange guy that I would not allow around children or animals. The Ghost of Christmas Present (Edward Woodward) has a shit-eating smile on his face, no shirt, and is seven feet tall. I got the impression that if Scrooge didn’t comply that he would be corn-holed by this giant. Maybe I’m wrong. I’ll have to research Charles Dickens and get back to you.
I call bullshit on the Cratchit family. They are way too happy. It’s not believable. It’s obnoxious. I get the point though. They have to establish that Scrooge is an unhappy prick and everyone else is happy as fuck.
Another super happy asshole is Scrooge’s nephew, Fred (Roger Rees). He has this game where he says a term and you have to answer. “Dry as a” “bone.” I wanted somebody to say “I got your bone.” I guess Fred is the only relative that hasn’t given up on Scrooge, but his wife, Janet (Caroline Langrishe), wants to kick Scrooge in the balls so hard he pukes. She hates him because she ain’t him.
The final spirit is fucking awesome. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is basically the Grim Reaper and he is, by far, the most impressive of the spirits. Scrooge is a courageous dude though and agrees to hang out with the skeleton dude in a black robe. I don’t think he had much of a choice, but he just jumped right into it.
Scrooge learns that he’s going to die and poor people are going to raid his shit and that pisses him off. It should. He worked for it. Unfortunately, the grim reaper asshole doesn’t care and gives him a huge guilt trip about his life. I wonder if this spirit didn’t work out if there would be additional spirits added or if they would give up on Scrooge.
The grim reaper dude does some cool shit like floating around in a graveyard and pointing at Scrooge in a creepy fashion. If there is a grim reaper and I meet him when I drop dead, the first thing I’m gonna say is that “you look mad cool man.” ‘
So, in the end, Scrooge gets guilted into giving up his money and being nice to everyone, no matter how annoying and obnoxious they may be. Also, why didn’t Marley get this chance to turn shit around before he had all those chains shoved up his ass? One other question. Why isn’t Scrooge’s asshole dad getting harassed by ghosts, considering he’s the one that made his son a dickhead.
A CHRISTMAS CAROL is OK. George C. Scott is really great in the role and the cast is pretty solid overall. I had issues with Scrooge turning it all around so quickly. I can’t see going from total asshole to the happiest guy of all time even if you are threatened with death.
I recommend this movie. I’m not a fan of the cover where Marley looks like somebody grabs his junk surprisingly, but this film is definitely good.
