By Geno McGahee
I don’t get excited about holiday movies that much. I usually expect the same sort of story, most of the time. I get some level of joy from them….even the ones that aren’t so great. Well, I was flipping through the Christmas movies on Prime and found HOLIDAY SWITCH, starring Nicole Eggert. I was immediately interested. I’ve always liked Eggert.
I remember her in BAYWATCH, but she never really gained any traction beyond that. It’s a shame too. I always thought she had potential to do more, but holiday TV movies is where a lot of former TV stars go to turn a buck and that’s what Eggert opted to do with this 2007 flick.
Paula (Eggert) is a mom with two kids and a husband that brings in nothing financial. She is stressed out and expected her life to turn out differently. Her hubby, Gary (Bret Anthony), is not contributing financially but he also sucks. First, he looks like he just walked off the show “TO CATCH A PREDATOR” and he is super annoying. He’s always smiling and not working, but a lot of people that don’t work smile. 95% of my family is on welfare and they smile like crazy. Lazy fucks.
Nick (Brett Le Bourveau), Paula’s ex, has his shit together. He is loaded and living the life and Paula is kicking herself or marrying the neighborhood geek. She has two kids with him two, meaning that she spread her legs for him at least twice. That upsets me. I can’t picture Eggert being with such a tool box, but this is a movie and I have to suspend my disbelief.
On top of being a total shithead, Gary breaks Paula’s favorite ornament and gets an incredibly small Christmas tree. I would have loved a scene where she shoved the tree right up his ass while saying “maybe now you’ll get a job idiot.”
With her holiday sucking, Paula starts hearing voices coming from her dryer. She opens it up and the voices get louder and she climbs in, coming out through another dryer as Nick’s wife. She is now living the life that she had wanted and starts to enjoy it immediately. She is dressing nice and has money falling out of her ass. It didn’t take her long to forget that geek at home.
Unfortunately, Paula soon discovers that her relationship with Nick is on the rocks and now all she has is money and no man in her life. Gary, now married to somebody else in this reality, is doing work around her yard and she starts wanting him back. I don’t get that. I can understand her missing the kids, but damn, she’s loaded in this reality and has plenty of options. Who wouldn’t want to date a rich Nicole Eggert? Why does she have to go back to the weird idiot that has nothing to offer?
After trying to get Gary back as her man, which fails, she finds her way back to her old reality where she is poor, the tree is the size of an ant’s dick and her husband is a loser. Remarkably, she is super happy. Odd. I guess it’s possible that Gary is either hung like a horse or has a tongue like Lassie. I can’t think of any other reason why she would go back to that situation.
HOLIDAY SWITCH is pretty good and Eggert always does a good job. This is worth a watch, but it’s pretty unremarkable.
