By Melissa Antoinette Garza
The husband picked this film. I really had no interest in seeing it. I didn’t know too much about the Marvel character Venom and I knew less about the film. Michelle Williams is an amazing fem goddess who I always enjoy, but this movie just never made my radar.
Before VENOM (2018), Tom Hardy didn’t do a thing for me. Many that I know fawn over him, but he’s too football and I’m too metal. Who knew all it took was turning him into a pitch black alien-demon with large, pearl white eyes, a hot, fang-filled mouth and a 10 inch tongue to make me reconsider? Kudos to Steve, who after a decade gets my kicks better than I do sometimes.
Admittedly, the first half hour is slow. It’s an introduction so we don’t get to see Venom play. The opening surrounds Carlton Drake (Riz Ahmed) an Elon Musk-esque space engineer who is researching an alien organism that can bind and live inside a human organism.
Drake insists on practicing on human subjects despite lead scientist, Dr. Dora Skirth’s (Jenny Slate) objections. He brings in homeless people as guinea pigs. Oh how I wanted downtrodden sexy Isaac (Jared Bankens) to live. He is far more my type than Eddie Brock (Tom Hardy), but alas, us gals attracted to unconventional guys see our characters killed off too soon. A moment of silence for sexy Isaac, the first homeless casualty.
After stupid Drake offs poor Isaac, he brings in more of the disenfranchised to experiment on. Skirth has finally seen enough. She runs to get help from TV investigative journalist Brock, but Eddie’s got other problems.
He had been researching Drake’s work previously. He stole info off his girlfriend/colleague Anne Weying (Michelle Williams) and used it in an interview that got both him and Anne fired. Betrayed, Weying kicks Eddie to the curb. Unemployed and alone, he doesn’t want to hear what Skirth is saying
Still, he’s a good dude and looks into it only to have the organism jump into him and thus the real flick begins. The alien’s name is Venom. He’s on earth with another member of his species named Riot. Venom & Riot – heavy metal names for some heavy metal aliens. I like it. They intend to destroy the planet. I still like it.
At first, Eddie doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He hears Venom talking to him and is exhibiting a lot of strange behaviors. He goes to Annie who is out with her boyfriend, Dr. Dan Lewis (Reid Scott). Danny jumps in and takes him to the hospital. He diagnoses Eddie with a parasite, but doesn’t understand the extent of it.
Soon, Eddie and Venom become strange friends. They take down bad guys together and for much of it Eddie is just like, “what the fuck?” and Venom takes care of business, but slowly an amazing symbiotic relationship forms. It’s quite spectacular. Venom is funny, sweet, crazy strong. He’s an alpha-male that can rock a fem bod and is definitely in favor of heating up a threesome with Eddie and Anne. I like this. I like this a whole fucking lot.What is this rated again? PG-13….goddamn you! Hopefully, they’ll make a good porn parody!
In one scene, Eddie is told that Venom is killing him though Venom swears it’s not true. Anne uses music to get Venom out of Brock and then locks the poor alien in a hospital room at Dr. Dan’s. Thankfully, he escapes thru a vent and jumps into Weying.
Venom is definitely loving the chemistry between Eddie and Anne and wants to be in the middle of it. He runs to Brock’s in full Venom appearance but with Anne’s form. I fucking love it. I don’t know what that says about my psyche but it’s fucking hot! Venom is a babe whether he’s male or female. Love it. Yummy!
Venom kisses Eddie (sexy as hell) and then comes out of Anne (so nice) and then into Eddie to finish the kiss (spec-fucking-tacular). Making it greater is later when Anne says how much she enjoyed it all and Venom/Brock goads her into a saucy admission. I love it. I love her strength and Venom’s naughtiness. Oh..yeah, Eddie Brock is nice too. How I wish I had been diagnosed with Venom instead of diverticulitis!
As for the flick, some other stuff happens too. Riot finds Drake and jumps into him. Riot is the bad alien, demon, organism thing. I wish Moon Wolf was here to explain the workings of space to me. I think I’d understand how this works a bit more, but alas I have no Moon Wolf.
Riot still wants to destroy earth, but Venom is enjoying the fun sexy romp existence he knows he’ll have living inside, on top of and underneath Eddie and Anne. Is there an unrated cut of this flick? please! Please Santa!
Venom and Brock take on Drake and Riot to save the world in an epic clash of craziness. It ends on a high-note with an after credit sequence that is quite fabulous. It’s over-the-top silly and in-your-face, but it’s wonderful.
I like this movie a lot. I’d like it more if there was Venom sex in it, but even without – it’s fantastic! The only bad thing is that Eminem song at the credits. What in the holy fuck was that about?
Scared Stiff Rating: 8/10
RIP Stan Lee
