They’re heeeerrrrreeee… almost. Horror fans everywhere are waiting with bated breath for Gil Kenan’s reboot of the iconic film Poltergeist, about a family that discovers their new home is filled with malevolent spirits (and one nightmare-inducing clown doll). But the haunted mansion was a scary movie staple long before ghosts kidnapped little girls through TV sets, and oftentimes the moaning and groaning of a creaky old residence can make you laugh just as much as it can tingle your spine. So before Poltergeist opens on May 22nd, turn the knob and enter the world of some other bad dream houses for ghoulishly gleeful entertainment. Cinema’s Six Campiest Cribs are now available to stream free on FrightPix, so check ‘em out – hey, they may be fixer-uppers, but that’s half the fun!
The House That Dripped Blood
Terror waits in every room (or rather, every segment) of this cult classic horror anthology about a British country house with a deadly history. After a popular film star renting the estate mysteriously disappears, a Scotland Yard policeman investigates the case and learns more about the skeletons in the property’s closet. Four stories reveal other curious incidents related to the place – a writer tormented by visions of his most murderous characters; two men obsessed with a macabre wax figure; a stern widower who mistreats his young daughter; a strange cloak that causes its wearer to become a night person in more ways than one. Starring Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing and scream queen Ingrid Pitt at her hottest, this 1971 gem will have you shuddering, giggling, and gasping in equal measure.
House of Whipcord
Does screaming sound better in a British accent? We’re not sure whether to call it the classier or creepier cousin to Fifty Shades of Grey, but House of Whipcord is pure 70s voyeuristic pleasure with psychosexual twists. Strap in for the kinky tale of beautiful model Anne-Marie, whose perverted boyfriend Mark E. Desade (get it?) sets her up for a public humiliation, only to send her to his sadistic mother’s mansion for “rehab” afterwards, where Mommy Dearest can torture her nubile young captives into submission – and she’s taken a particular dislike to Anne-Marie. Can our heroine escape the foul clutches of the evil warden? Will Mark wise up and rescue her in time? Did you see nipple? All these questions and more can be answered with a simple click!
Beyond Evil
There are a lot of campy horror films, but few commit as sincerely to their cheese-laden scripts as this 1980 delight. A pastiche of all the clichés that made movies like The Exorcist and The Omen great, – demonic possession, bodies falling, ominous chanting on the soundtrack – Beyond Evil is not a spoof but a genuine slice of American kitsch. John Saxon (Black Christmas, A Nightmare on Elm Street) and Lynda Day George (Pieces) star as a couple who encounter a wicked witch’s spirit in their new ironically-named mansion, Casa Fortuna. When the witch invades the wife’s mind, turning her into a super-powered hell maiden with laser eyes, the husband must risk life and limb to save her. Good backstory and a satisfying body count make up for the plot holes here, but you’ll be laughing too hard to notice anyway.
Hillbillys in a Haunted House
Scary it may not be, but hilarious it sure is – so long as you’re a fan of Plan 9 from Outer Space-style ridiculousness. This mixed-genre movie combines country music and spy thriller to unintentionally funny effect, a “so bad it’s good” film that diehard movie buffs mustn’t miss. The plot hangs on a group of Southern-fried musicians on their way to Nashville who are forced to stop at an abandoned house for the night, only to uncover an international espionage base operating out of the supposedly haunted abode. While the prime attraction here is the horror icon trio of Lon Chaney Jr., John Carradine, and Basil Rathbone as the eccentric spies, there are also bemused chuckles to be had at the film’s sheer wealth of randomness. Can you name any other horror movies that feature musical numbers about ugly gowns? Employ an obviously fake gorilla for cheap laughs? The real humor is in the fact that this mishmash ever got made – but since it did, don’t waste the gift of Narm!
Death of a Ghost Hunter
What if you could prove that there’s life after death? That’s what intrepid “ghost hunter” Carter Simms aims to do when she and her film crew set up in an old house allegedly inhabited by angry spirits. This found-footage adventure, taking a page from the likes of The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity, has its share of chills and jump scares as Carter’s team investigates the Masterson family murders, especially as they gain help from an unexpected source. But alongside the spookiness is a healthy dose of camp to cut the tension; whether from the cast’s very deadpan reactions, the movie’s questionable audio editing, or the overuse of night vision sequences, there’s sure to be laughter with this one. Those who know horror tropes well will be able to predict the story’s ending, but that doesn’t make the journey any less enjoyable. Venture inside if you dare…
DevilDolls
We’ve come full circle back to a horror anthology! But the residence we’re talking about this time is a dollhouse, complete with a trilogy of terror starring evil toys and the idiotic people that stumble onto them. From the studio that brought you the original devil dolls in Puppet Master and featuring an early script by The Dark Knight screenwriter David S. Goyer, DevilDolls is a great combination of gore, hammy acting, and hauntingly creepy plastic faces. The film doesn’t take itself too seriously and the cast’s over-the-top reactions to the antics of their miniature costars make for easy entertainment a la the silliest episodes of Tales from the Crypt. This isn’t Toy Story, so don’t let your little ones watch, but those who wish Child’s Play and Trick ‘r’ Treat would have a baby will be like kids in a candy store.
For more cult classics, campy romps, and the horror genre’s hidden gems, check out over a thousand titles at FrightPix now!